chapter 6

Chapter 11

Ella's POV:

Declan still has his arms encased around me in a tight warm hug, my head is still resting on his chest. His warm embrace was soft but strong at the same time. Right now I don't care that he's all sweaty, being in his arms makes everything else fall away. All that worry and stress vanished, now it's just us.

Until a voice calls my name.

"Ella?" I hear, knowing right away it's Thomas. "What are you doing?" His voice is laced with confusion.

My arms slowly untangled from around Declan, it took me a second because he was refusing to let go, but finally gave in when I sent him a pleading look. We both turn to see Thomas standing ten feet away staring at us. Olivia is still here, a couple of feet away watching too, with an expression I can't read.

Hues of red paint my cheeks, as heat bubbles to the surface. I hate being the center of attention, and everybody's eyes are on me. Well Declan and me, but still.

It's too much.

"I-I was umm saying g-good game." I stutter, looking like a complete fool. Now I feel the need to explain myself. "I was l-looking for you to tell you 'good game', but I couldn't find you."

I see a flash of confusion, and then what I think is anger swirl through Thomas's eyes. He warned me about Declan and now here I am hugging him.

"It doesn't look like you were looking for me," Thomas says with clear irritation.

I could feel he wasn't mad at me though, he was mad at Declan. Since Declan got in that fight, he saw him as a threat. Now that he sees me hugging him, he's concerned for me. Either way, his irritation was making me very anxious. He knows how I get, and with him mad at me, in front of all these people was causing my nerves to surface quite quickly.

As I stand here and think about how to defend myself, my hands begin their panicky tremble. This was not a good sign. I start to rub my hands along my clothing to hide the fidget.

"I w-was, but then I remembered you were in the l-locker room and d-de-decided to tell you later." My voice quivers like a complete idiot. This is what happens when I'm put on the spot, I can't think clearly and my words become a jumbled mess.

The speed of my heart begins to accelerate at a fast rate, I can feel the stares cutting into me. Thomas is saying something but I can't comprehend it, no matter how hard I try to focus on him. The thump of my heartbeat is louder than his voice, his mouth is moving but the words are lost.

My body is here, but my conscience is falling away. The tremble in my hands turns to a convulsing in my body. The blood in my veins is the sound of a rushing waterfall. I try to stay here, but it becomes harder as my lungs begin to lose their air.

"Shh, I'm here, it's going to be alright." Comes crashing through the brick wall that's dividing us.

My vision falls darker as the seconds' race by. The control I had was ripped away, step by step each of my five senses began to fail.

"What's happening? Is she going to be alright?" Another crash...

"This is all my fault." The last crash before complete silence.

Touch, something is touching me. Sound, someone is talking to me.

The words they are trying to get through to me is like an impolite hum. My body is physically there but mentally I am not. I feel like nothing, I am nothing. The world is gone and so am I.

Blackness I breathe, blackness I see. What is happening to me? I'm stuck in my head with nothing but me.

*

The blackness is back, I'm trapped inside of me. Touch is back, a heaviness holding me down under, like cement permanently holding me in place. Memory, my memory is gone. Why can't I remember anything?

The sound of my self-conscience echoes within the barriers of the darkness. Am I alive? Is this what it's like to be dead?

Then something else, a sound. Not my self-conscience but noise from outside the wall, from outside the darkness. It's repetitive, the more I hear it the louder it gets. It's buzzing, no beeping, maybe it's both. A machine? It sounds like a machine.

Where am I?

A squeak, many squeaks, it sounds like wet shoes padding across the floor. There must be people out there beyond the wall.

Shadows come in, then wash back out. Black and then grey. After some time a consistent light begins to stay. Something on me moves, I can feel it. My eyelids are finally starting to work. My concentration is set on the light, I want to see it all.

I try to work my eyes open, just a little bit. But they seem to be stuck, so I wait a couple of minutes and try again. This time as I try, a blink happens before snapping back shut. Again, a couple more blinks then shut. Until this time...I can handle the brightness that seems so blinding.

As my eyes adjust, my two senses begin to correspond with each other. The sound is back. My head begins to turn with a slight ache as I search for the noise. A heart monitor stands beside me, with bold red squiggles moving, that's the beep I was hearing.

Realization hits me like a hurricane. I don't have a heart monitor in my bedroom. My eyes scan the unfamiliar area as the feeling of the rest of my body comes back. This is a hospital, why am I in a hospital?

I push myself up, and when I do there's a pain in my hand. Looking down I see I'm hooked up to an Iv with a bunch of other cords that are used to keep track of vitals.

I scan the room for more answers. The chair in the corner is empty, the whole room is empty except for me. The white is suffocating. Why am I here? What happened to me? Where is everyone else?

Muffled voices sound outside, loud voices like arguing. Panic sets inside me. What is going on? The next thing I know the heart monitors beeps become louder, the feeling of my heart begins to pulsate through my body.

The door swings open and in comes a doctor muttering "Stay there." He wasn't saying it to me, he was saying it to the person outside the door. The doctor rushes over to me.

"You're okay, just breathe." The doctor says motioning with his hands to calm down.

Closing my eyes I take a deep breath, then another. Thankfully the heart monitor lowers back to normal as the pulsating stops.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, checking my vitals and looking me over.

"Tired and worn out." My voice comes out raspy due to my throat being dry and scratchy. I cringe as the aftereffect of talking kind of hurts.

On the table next to me, the doctor pours a glass of water and hands it to me, "Here, drink this, it will help with your throat."

As I nod my head and take the cup the door bursts open. My head snaps up almost spilling the water, but thankfully only a drop comes out. First I see the uncombed chocolate hair, then the handsome face. Its Declan running in, his face frantic.

He looks around until he finds me, his face morphs from frantic to relief.

"Hey." the doctor yells. Declan ignores him, rushing towards me.

A tired smile takes over my chapped lips. "H-hey." I croak.

"Ellie," he says. "You...you're awake." He comes right over to me, scanning me up and down as if I might disappear.

The doctor stands there unimpressed, he must realize Declan's not leaving when he says, "Ella you need rest, your body has been through a lot in these past hours." He then looks to Declan with stern eyes, "You let this girl rest young man, she needs to recover."

Declan glares at him, but the doctor ignores it and turns around striding out of the room. Now we are alone, just Declan and me.

Declan sits down on the edge of the bed. He then reaches overtaking my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I was so worried." he murmurs, as something flashes in his eye.

He was worried about me? The thought causes my heart to skip a beat.

"I'm fine," I whisper. But he doesn't say anything, he just looks away.

"What happened?" I ask. I can't remember anything and by the look on his face, it isn't good.

His head snaps back to me. "You don't remember?" He asks. I shake my head telling him no. "You had a panic attack."

I cringe. He saw it? I didn't want him to know, I didn't want anybody to know. Now he knows about my anxiety. Who else knows? I look down in shame.

I remember now. At the end of the football game, people were staring at me. Thomas was asking me questions and he seemed mad. I felt so uncomfortable, he was asking me in front of everybody. I wanted to disappear, he knows how I get. But then suddenly my body stopped working and my wish came true.

Declan must think I'm a wreck, a freak. He wasn't supposed to find out, nobody was. Olivia didn't know either and now she knows, everybody does. A tear falls, then another. Now everybody knows what a freak I am.

"Hey hey don't cry, I hate seeing you upset." He says softly squeezing my hand.

"I-I understand if you think I'm a f-fr-freak," I muttered looking down at my lap. This is absolutely awful.

Declan lets go of my hand, pulling his away like he's been shocked. But he quickly recovers, lifting his hand to my chin. He tilts my chin up gently so we are making eye contact.

"Ella you are not a freak. I don't want to ever hear you say that again." His eyes not breaking contact, "Do you understand?" He says, his voice is as serious as I've ever heard.

I nod my head, an unsaid yes. His thumbs touch my skin, rubbing the tears away. After he places his hand back into mine. My heart swells in happiness. He doesn't think I'm a freak.