chapter 29

The playlist  for this chapter is :

Gosh. I'm still upset about that idiot that was bullying.  Who the fuck does he think he is? Going around bullying people.

I want to smash my knuckles. But I'm having lunch with Mason and  his friends.  Dennis was there and the whole table was cracking up from his jokes. I don't laugh or smile and Max is trying really hard to change that.

"Mia!!!" Holly screams and I turn to look at the entrance to the cafeteria to see Mia.

I watch as the beautiful girl walks into the cafeteria and strides comfortably, smiling at everyone and all that.

Her beautiful black skin was shinning under the sun. Her curls were bobbing along with every movement.

She reminded me of Tiffany Hadish .

"Baby." She says when she reaches our table and gives Mason a kiss on his lips.

'Ooh. He has a girlfriend.' My subconscious says.

"And you must be Sam. "She says to me."Holly told me about you yesterday."She adds when she sees that I'm confused.

"Yeah."I say.

"Dennis!!! Get your ass here this instant. "She says in a thick black American accent and I'm swooning already.

I watch as they all interact with each other leaving to sip my apple juice with a straw. I have this attitude of drinking with a straw. Even from a cup,even tea. I don't know why I do that ,but it makes me feel insecure whenever I don't use a straw. One time mom made me drink without using a straw and I couldn't bring myself to eat or drink for four days straight.  I think its one of my ways of dealing with insecurity.

When I was a young girl. People watched my every movement, what I wore ,how I ate ,how I drank,because I was Maria Jones daughter.  Mom expected more from me. Like I should be coordinated above class and all that. I wasn't a introvert. I preferred to run about all day,get dirty,break the rules to obey the rules. Then at the end of that,I'd retire to my bedroom, read the latest  harlequin  novels, fantastize over the love our past literature heroes shared. Write in my diary, that I should find true love like them,but not end like them.

That was what I wanted, but mom wanted me to be social, find friends and all that.

'Me too. That was what I always what I wanted ' My subconscious sighs.

I listen to that voice and find my self feeling happy that someone understood me. I always wanted someone who I could share my feelings with. Someone that could argue with me about my judgement on books. And we would laugh and cry together, fight,look for a lot of peoples trouble. I should have found out that the person was within my reach.

Joy was not much of a reader ,but we shared the same ideas on books she had read and  even argued sometimes, but all that is gone.  Now ,I have one that could never leave until death do us part,no emotions in public rule flowed with her and that person was ; my subconscious.

She always wanted her name to be Gloria, Mageret, but she liked Fay the best .

So,ladies and gentlemen of my thoughts.  Meet Fay,my new best friend.

"Sam. Geez.  Do you not smile." Max asks as he shakes with laughter.

'No emotions rule my brother, 'Fay says.

"Holly said you were Nigerian, how come you are this fair in complexion . I know some Africans are fair in complexion , but not this fair." Mia says.

"I'm half-caste. "I answer her.

"Ok, "She says "but,just for the record I don't like you." She adds and I spit my juice back into my straw. Max tenses beside me, Madison and Holly give a gasp. Dennis and Mason smirk.

'Jerks.' Fay says

I couldn't agree more.

"I mean who drinks from a straw at the  age of seventeen . We've been laughing all day,but you just sit looking into nonexistence and sipping from a straw.

If I didn't go to juvie, I would be halfway done with university.  But I just do the last year of high school again. At least it rhymes with my age.

"The fact that you are Maria Jones daughter, doesn't mean you have to be snobby and prudish, " she continues and I look at her .

"Excuse me?" I say.

I'm only seconds from pouring my apple juice on her baked face.

"You have no right to make people feel insecure. "She finishes and I stare at her wide eyed.

'No emotions rule.  No emotions baby.'Fay encourages and I pick my tray and apple juice to walk out.

Nobody at the table says anything and I proceed to walk out.

"Sam.wait," Mia calls and I stop to turn. For a moment I think she is about to apologise. "You left your bag ." She says with a smirk .

I walk out of the cafeteria and dump my tray into the dustbin before walking to the back of the school sit there. I bring out the  notepad from earlier and start writing in it .

'That diary is my twin sister that  You run to  when you are sad.' Fay says.

Diary? I never said it was it was my diary.

'Your heart says it,cause its who your heart runs to when it is sad.' She explains and I start writing.

Do I really  make people feel insecure?  For crying out loud ,what is it that others are doing that I am not doing. I  Thought this was a new beginning for me to make a new friend. I thought Mason was a friend,or perhaps maybe we could have been more than that. But turns out he was just like the rest of them. Is it weird that I'm beginning to have a crush on him?  I'm sorry I didn't tell you Fay.

"Hey." A voice says behind me and I turn.  It was Max.

"Sorry about Mia. She was really upset when you didn't show any emotions to her. Mia is a really self conscious  person.  She hates it when people are acting all proud because they are rich." He says.

"The fact that I'm Maria Jones daughter.  Does not mean I'm a rich nigga. "I tell him blankly."I never cared about my mom's riches. I didn't show or brag that I was her daughter.  The only reason people know is because we look so much alike and that makes me so annoyed.  I can't go anywhere without people asking  me if I'm Maria Jones daughter.  When I grow up I'm considering facial surgery. I don't want to known as Maria Jones daughter.  I want to be known as Samantha Jones. "

'The computer programmer and Human right activist.' Fay adds for me and I sigh.

"Wow. That's deep.  I'm sorry about Mia. " He says and I'm surprisedthat Max can be serious. "Although, why are you drinking with a straw?" He asks and I shrug.

"I'll get going  Sam.  Think about what Mia said there might be some truth in it." He says and leave.

That's all for this chapter.