chapter 5

I rang the doorbell thrice and still, there was no answer. I was to turn around and go back somewhere else when my stepmother opened the door. Her face showed she didn't like the idea of me being present on the day of her precious daughter's birthday.

"I thought you were going to be staying at your friend's house."
The irritation was not hidden in her voice. I caused her a lot of trouble and she hates dealing with me when I'm not even her own blood.

She was a nice woman but seeing me reminded her of the woman who accused her of being a homewrecker and what not. I resembled my mother a lot and once she had a huge breakdown and nearly broke Ella's face in two. Sometimes I feel my father is sandwiched between us. He loves his wife and his wife hates me that keeps him on his toes. But I know his priorities and I'm not even at the end of his list.

He obviously doesn't love me enough to defend me. I find it alright. He's been like this my whole life. I felt into bad habits and still never cared. He knows as soon as I will finish my school I will move out of his life forever. He wants to tolerate me so he can assure himself that he took care of me by paying for my education bills as long as it was legal.

"Some guests came to her house this morning so I came back. I won't interrupt. I'll just stay in my room."
I stepped into the house and ignored my father who was busy filling air in the balloons while streamers and colorful glitters laid on the ground.

I was a human after all. I didn't like it one bit. He was a shitty father but I could still give my life for him. I was pathetic like that. I wish I could numb myself of emotions and remember the time when I did just that. I desperately needed a distraction.

I quickly took a bath and opened my books. I studied for a while until I couldn't put my mind to concentrate any longer. I lost focus faster than you can say it that was one of the side effects of my past. I closed my eyes to rest a little and fell asleep.

"Pretty girl. Come here and have this. Come."
The man tugged me towards him. I struggled against his hold almost feeling myself getting bruised.

They were all tall and dangerous-looking men. They were offering me some white powder. He told me to take a taste from his finger. Something came over me and I licked it off his fingers. He smiled and told me to open my hand. I pushed my palm out as he told me to do and the man dropped the powder on my hand.

He took a cylindrical looking paper pipe maybe and showed me how to suck it through the nose. I was curious to try it out myself so I repeated the process. I felt like someone stopped my breathing and I felt uneasy all of a sudden but the man encouraged me to keep doing it and so I did.

When I reached home I didn't even notice my mom and her whatever number boyfriend fighting. I had a silly smile on my face and somehow I came to my room not really remembering how and jumped on the bed but landed on the floor harshly.

"Huh"
I bolted straight up. My phone was ringing.

"Hello"
I said a little breathless.

"Princess Happy birthday darling. How is my baby? How is the party? "
My mother's voice filled my ears. She called once or twice every other week to check on me. I appreciated the effort.

"Thank-you. The party is going great. I think the guests have started coming. Where are you?"
I said while moving towards the mirror not bothering telling her I don't do parties.

"Oh, I'm in London. Gale likes winter so here we are."
My mother exclaimed. She was the perfect mother for me as perfect as I could get. After my father cheated on her she lost it but after a few months, she decided that it was time to live her life and she took to traveling around a lot and meeting new people.

I was not ignored but I craved attention. One month I lived with our neighbor, an old lady Mrs. Fitz who hated me for some reason. I used to beg my mother on the phone to come back but she didn't. I slowly understood that in fact, I have lost my parents. I started looking at myself as an orphan.

Was I a depressed person?
No. Yes. Maybe.

"Enjoy while you are there."
I ended the call before the past could once again torture me.

I stayed in my room at the party. I was observing myself in the mirror. My cheek was not bruised but it showed a slight redness. I quickly changed into one of the dresses I bought in the sale. It was a beautiful white dress. I wore it and it ended just above my knees.

People were singing Happy Birthday downstairs and I twirled around in my room, in my new dress. I thought to paint something.

I drew a rough sketch of women in a beautiful backless dress moving around the world alone. I sighed heavily. What in the world was I doing?

The soft knock on my door interrupted me. I opened my door to see my father standing there. I was shocked to see him. Nobody came to my room ever. I moved back to let him enter the room. He looked around and observed the walls covered in paintings. He cleared his throat and had my attention with it.

"I just want to wish you very Happy birthday. I know you don't like my presence around you. Anyways, I got you something."
He presented a rectangular flat box to me.

I took it from him and opened it to see a beautiful bracelet. My name was written on it. The first gift he gave me after 10 years almost.

"It seems quite expensive I couldn't accept it."
I whispered. I don't know what else to say.

He frowned a little but said with a small glimpse of a smile.
"That is what gifts are for. You should accept it without seeing it's the price."

"Well, I didn't know. This is the first gift I got after 10 years. I'm a little shocked. Thank you. You can go now to your daughter's party. You didn't have to waste your time."
I said while closing the box and keeping it inside the drawer.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. 
"Okay. You can come to join us if you want to."

The door closed behind him. He couldn't even talk to me. Was I not allowed to be a difficult child after what they did to me?

For once I wanted to throw a tantrum like a fucking child but he couldn't wait for me.