chapter 2

17 years ago

I gave Mr. Shaw, the doorman, a nod as i rushed into the house. I proceed to look for my father.

He had called me earlier asking me to return home. He said it was urgent and from the tone of his voice i knew he really meant it. He was very persistent as he repeated words like 'I told you so,' 'you never listen'.

 I found my overbearing father in his office with a nasty smirk on his face.He sat in his huge office chair with his arms spiraled on the armrest, his protruding belly looking like a warehouse filled with undigested food never failing to make the ' i'm freaking opulent ' effect.

    'You called for me, what is the problem?'I ask, already tensed from work office.

On the way home, i had prepared my self for any criticism he had conjure. I felt like i knew him too well, he never calls me and if he does, he just throws insult at me and my late mother. He never appreciates what i do, what ever i do for him is always not enough for him or it is mediocre.

   'Here,' he hands me an opened envelope and smirks mirthlessly, looking satisfied.

I turn it around and examine the edges, fearing its content may destroy my life. Finding out it was from Nana, added to the fear.

My heart sounded like a tumultuous volcanic eruption.Thick fold of sweat formed on my forehead and run down int my eyebrows.

I took the letter out and began to read the it out loud.

'Peter, i know what i am about to do is heartless and you will lose a piece of yourself after today, i will too, but i cant help it.I wish i could stay and be with you, but this situation has rendered me helpless, it is way above my control.I am not asking you to forgive me, i just want you to understand.'I paused and stared at my father.

He was rubbing his eyebrows and looking at me intently. His eyes traced every single gesture.He raised his eyebrows and twitched his as a signal to continue.

I coerced my self to look back on the letter , begging God for strength to still be alive after reading the letter because i knew what was coming was going to be a big blow, a tornado in fact.

     'I am leaving,' I stop abruptly and stare at the words.Leaving........... leaving?I run a word search in my brain for what she could possibly mean by that word: depart from, exit from, vacate, abandon, quit, evacuate, split, vamoose, clear off, set sail.none of the sounded true enough, they didn't bring hope.

'Go ahead,...... why did you stop?'My father asked sarcastically.

I gather vehemence from every inch of my body and with every fiber in me i proceed.            'I am going away from here, from you and from everyone else.Please don't call me selfish because every thing i do is for you. Don't say my actions were mindless and not thoughtful because you don't know the struggle i am going through.

I will miss you very much,I will miss our hangouts, your cheeky laugh and your corny jokes that never made sense.I am losing too, much more than you are.''With that i start tearing up.

'I cant go on'I say to my self, giving up my life that instant.I wished God would just end my life right there. 

I mean, what was the point of living in this big, bad and wicked world, everyone lies and gets away with it, everyone hurting one another.The wickedness has no end, it never will. It would be much better if i had never been put into it. What difference would it have made.

Maybe the world was innocent and i am the one with faults.It is true the one with the faults is the first to point fingers, that is what i am doing right now.It is my fault my father doesn't like me, no one ever stays and i am starting to understand why.he is not the devil, i am,i drain all the happiness and joy from people and they just cant wait to move away from me.I am just not likable.

Abandoned, kept repeating its self in head.It reminded me of when my mother left me, left me all alone and unprepared to face the world.Left me alone to receive all the harsh words and insults from my sulking father.He kept on taking his anger of being cheated on, on me.No one cared enough to help me out except Nana.

she mended my broken bones and helped heal all my wounds, she was an angel sent from above.she was my muse, my joy and my life.I tried very hard to make her happy.I tried to make all her dreams possible.But i guess no one can stop an angel from flying away.

'My poor son,' my father sighs.

I stumbled to the ground like a stone pushed over a mountain.It seemed like i was falling into a bottomless pit, i couldn't see the end of all my pain and my misery. i felt numbed by the insufferable agony. 

I felt betrayed, disappointed, and incapacitated. once bitten twice shy, isn't that what they say?, but i guess an ignorant fool like me was bound to repeat history.

 she was right when she said i will lose a piece of my self, this shows how much she knew me. She understood me and read me like a newspaper. Maybe that is the problem, but it is too late now to do anything about, isn't it.

'Love, love, love. That is all what you young generation ever think about.You fall in to deep and you become disoriented when it comes to an unexpected halt,' His eyes were blazing with fire but spoke with an unmatching calmness.

'Don't you learn?'He asked pissed. 'Don't you learn from people's mistakes? i told you time and again that women are toxic and falling for one means you are done for. All women are the same, don't you see that.They are all little subtle snakes and witches who squeeze all the happiness from us and leave us scarred and bitter. They are thieves.'He pauses waiting for a reaction.

Maybe i believe in him now.I should have a long time ago.

'She was not good for you Peter.I told you every single day. A commoner like her could not keep up with someone as important as you.'

'Water and oil don't mix, so simple to understand but it took a smart person like you years to understand. No wonder' he said shaking his head. 'She filled your head with nonsense and caused you to chase after her like a lost puppy.That is the type of person she is, a cunning fox, no no no, a subtle deadly snake.'

'Anyway, i have set a date with you and Rhonda Zones. That is the ideal woman for you. move on from that infectious disease you called your girlfriend, she was not good for you.' He chuckled slightly and left.

I was too weak to even protest or confront him about his wickedness. Or maybe i was just too scarred.

I laid on the ground looking up to the heavens. Too weak to even cry or blame myself again. Maybe this is how we were to end things and i knew it would come to this.

I wished for only one thing as the darkness began to consume me, i wished i would close my eyes and never open them again, shut out all the pain, say goodbye to my self and.....

 say good bye to the world.