chapter 4

December 12, 2019.

Summer-field Secondary Transfer Request: 

Dear Declan J.O. Donnelly & Parents / Guardians,

Hello, we have received your request and letter of recommendation via the Headmaster of your current attending school. We have been made clear of your background and current suspension situation and have went into personal background checks regarding academics, athletics, and all previous behavioral issues. 

After much thought, and discussions with your Headmaster & current teachers, we have come to our final decision. We are sending this letter to inform you that you have been accepted and we are looking forward to have you join us at the start of the new term in January 2020- after the winter break holidays. Please update your living information on the sheet provided, so we will be able to know who to contact. This includes your current guardian(s) contact information and home address, the temporary guardian(s) proper contact information- along with your new/temporary address, and any other attending students in the home you will be residing in. 

In the meantime, we will be sending you your uniform information, your new schedule, and overviews of classes you will be taking. If you have any questions feel free to contact us via email or phone during the according hours. We are excited to be having you join us this upcoming term, and we hope you enjoy your time at Summer-field Secondary!

Sincerely,

Summer-Field Secondary Administration 

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Declan stared down at the sheet in his shaking hands as he read over the sheet, over and over again, trying to comprehend the fact that he had actually been accepted. He couldn't believe his eyes. He genuinely thought, that even with his headmasters letter of recommendation, that he would get rejected. He tried his hardest to convince himself that he wouldn't get accepted, mainly due to the fact it would hurt less if he set his hopes low. But, reading the paper now his hopes were high. He was finally getting away from the high school he dreaded attentending, he was getting away from all the toxic students, and most importantly he would be reuniting with Ant. He and Ant, as expected, haven't spoken much at all since they day he had gotten into his fight at school.

He assumed that Ant, however, knew about his moving. After all, Ant's mum Christine had agreed to Declan temporarily living with them for the remainder of the year without hesitation She had expressed her concern, and sympathy for the young boy, and wanted to do the most she could for him. For as long as the teen could remember, Christine was like a second mum to him. He was nervous to go to a new school, but he knew that at least he knew a few people there. By "knew" he means he had went to a party once with them. 

With the start winter break only a few days away, he knew he only had a short period of time to prepare for his move. He was going to miss his family, of course, but he knew that he needed this break from them. Luckily, he had Christmas and the remaining holidays to spend with them before he goes off on his way. 

He sighed and neatly folded the letter in his hand as he sat on his bed, still in disbelief. He didn't know what to do. Should he message Ant? After all, it had been quite a long time since they had last talked. What if it was too awkward? Should he start packing? Should he tell his remaining friends? He had no clue where to start, or who to talk to. Why did things have to be so confusing lately. Everything used to be so easy, and make so much sense. He didn't have to second guess when he would text or call Ant. Now, it seems like every day he catches himself staring at his phone waiting for a message or call, but getting nothing. His sleeping schedule has slightly improved, but mainly due to the fact he doesn't attend school for the moment. 

He looked up and caught his reflection in the mirror. His wounds have healed up now, only very faint marks remained on random points throughout his body where he had been hit. He shuddered slightly thinking about it, and tried to push those thoughts in the farthest corner of his mind. He didn't have to worry about these things anymore. He had more important things to focus on, happier things to focus on.

                                         *

"Apparently, Declan is going to be moving in with us, you know," Anthony was laying down against Stephen's chest as he felt the taller teen stroke his black hair, "Apparently he got suspended for the rest of the year."

This came to a surprise to Stephen, he hadn't been made aware of this information yet, but it was obvious that Anthony had mixed emotions on the matter, "Do you know why or?"

"Fight. One of Dec's old bullies. Apparently he must've finally reached his limit and snapped. Now I guess, I have to figure out how to manage with him living here," The older teens voice was almost emotionless talking about this, his words seemed empty and confused, "I don't know, it's just... Things were going so well for us, like. I finally felt free, and happy, and myself, but now I don't know how it'll be with Dec here. On top of things, he's probably going to be sleeping in my room. I can't even begin to fathom how confining that'll be- both mentally and literally."

"I understand," Stephen hummed as he continued to run his fingers against the boys head, "I'm sure there's a lot of things to think about right now."

Ant tightened his hold against Stephen, "What are we going to do, Stephen? How are we supposed to do... well anything? He's going to be at school with us, he's going to come home with me. If I go to yours, I'm positive he'll follow. He's going to be wherever I am, I'm sure of it."

Stephen sighed as he kissed his partners hair gently trying to comfort the smaller teen, "Don't worry about it right now. We still have time. When the time comes, then we can figure things out."

Ant nuzzled his face into the younger boys body, "We can't tell him."

"Then we won't."

The black haired boy looked up at his boyfriend, Stephen's face radiated softness and compassion to his current emotions. They had been together for almost a month now, and time had seemed to fly by quicker than they could grasp. Everyday seemed like a blessing. All the words, holds, touches, everything seemed so beyond words and love that it filled Ant with an endless amount of warmth and happiness- and Stephen felt the same. At school, they had started sneaking off and around during free time, to just spend time together where they didn't have to worry about the stares or words from unwanted individuals. They felt so at home in one another's presence. Love truly was beautiful thing.

"Stephen," He stared gently at him, "I love you."

Stephen's eyes seemed gloss over with those words. Neither of them have said it yet. Part of them felt like they didn't have to, they just both silently and contently knew. 

"I love you, too."

Both of there faces broke out in the biggest, dumbest grins, smiling deeply at one another. It felt so relieving to say, it felt right. Ant moved his body up to the pillow Stephen laid on, and pushed their lips together gently, resting his hands against Stephens face. Their mouths moved and danced against one another, letting their new words bind the gap between them. Lust radiated from both of them, and pure joy. Stephen held his hands against the smaller boys waist as their lips moved together. They knew however, they couldn't do anything more than kissing in this moment, as Ant's family occupied the rest of the house, but they had no need to right now. They just couldn't get enough of the pure closeness of their hearts. They beat in unison, their breathes in time with one another, everything seemed so perfect and fairy-tale like.

At the back of Ant's mind he still worried for what would happen when Dec would come. He felt like he should at least text or call Dec, and he has been meaning to for the past few days and even weeks. Whenever he thinks about it, or gets close to, he stops himself. Perhaps out of fear, or out of something more. He can't pinpoint the exact thoughts or emotions, but he feels out of place texting Dec now, especially with his longing silence. I mean, he had been silent, and in doing so Declan had gotten into a fight and practically thrown out of school. He felt guilty for that. What if Dec hated him? He couldn't. Ant still cared for Dec, how couldn't he? But, it was no secret that things were so vastly different now. 

Their friendship had changed, on a much deeper level then their lack of words could express. There was a shift, a drift, a barrier set up. Ant was unintentionally to blame for this, or so he felt. He felt had been the cause of this. He didn't mean to, he just couldn't explain the new emotions from his relationship with Stephen. Stephen was so different, and made him feel different. A feeling that Declan had never given him. Stephen and Declan were so different, that at this point it scared him. With their differences, and the change of their relationship, Declan is unpredictable now. He wouldn't avoid Stephen when Dec will come, that be the last thing he would ever want. The last thing he wants is to distance himself from someone who makes him feel on a level he has never felt. If it meant putting their friendship at risk, or making them drift more, in order to keep Stephen, then part of Ant felt like it was worth it. He was still so unsure of things. He didn't want to have to choose. He couldn't choose between the two of them, that would hurt more than he could describe. He did not want to lose one in order to keep the other. That, is honestly, his worst fear. 

But, maybe he put himself into this situation. Maybe if he hadn't been so distant ten maybe Dec wouldn't have gotten into that fight at school. Maybe Dec would have opened up and discussed his bullying and personal issues with someone if Ant had talked and encouraged him to. Maybe this whole situation could have been avoided if he would have handled it correctly. There's not much he could do now, but sit and wait to see what was to come. 

He would have to figure out how to stay close to Stephen- both literally and emotionally. He would have to figure out how to handle Dec, and how to keep him at a distance without entirely pushing him away. He would have to figure out how to continue hide his biggest secret, now more than ever with the stakes higher than before. If this were to slip out, to Declan of all people, he would be screwed. Declan was a mystery when it came to how he would react if Ant told him his sexuality. With his religious background, and family, it be enough to push Declan away- but not only that is Declan has no other place to go. If he genuinely is so repulsed by the idea of Ant being gay, he would be stuck. It's not like he could go back to home to his own school. That option was clearly off the table. There was just so many unknown factors, and unknown outcomes, that it was beyond fearful.

It was like playing chess, all the pieces matter. One wrong move could mean losing. One wrong move could lead to loss of yourself. One wrong move could lead to the loss of the entire game, and everything as you know it. And, he couldn't make a wrong move. He had to be aware of all the pieces and players now. He had to think this through, properly. Because right now, all his moves counted more than ever. It was clear, he had lost a few of his pawns already, but it wasn't over yet.

He just needed to figure this whole thing out, in the limited amount of time he had. And, he just had to hope for the best, because at the end of the day that's one of the only things he can do. He can't worry about the unexpected too much mainly because that's the whole point- it's unexpected. But, he had to do his best. He had to keep his friendship intact, and he had to keep his relationship intact. Two different people who have two different places in Ant's heart. Two people who are so unpredictable, and two people who seem to bicker more than they could speak. Everything to come set such a fear within Ant, such a fear that seemed to be driving him to insanity. 

But, right now he needed to stop his overthinking- which he finds himself doing far too much- and he needed to enjoy the limited alone time he had left with Stephen. He needed to clear Dec off his head, because it seemed he had been consuming far too much of Ant's spare thoughts. He needed to focus on Stephen. He needed to get back into the moment, and stop over analyzing the past, and obsessing and overthinking about the future.