chapter 4

Even as the car had driven out of the hospital grounds, I still felt uneasy and agitated at the now forgotten hospital event.

I left there as soon as I could, no time to deliver my righted annoyance at the staff or threats of suing. I needed to be away from there, so after hurriedly seeing the expected doctor and cajoling him into reporting my hand healed and ready for use, without a last glance, I took my leave with no intentions of returning.

It was as though I had witnessed something unreal or was it just my mind playing tricks. I replayed the events again, countless times as I sat in the back seat of the car, clutching the doctor's reports firmly. The dark parts of my past came knocking on my doors for a visit today and to say I was not aware of who was standing on the other side would not be clearly accurate.

I didn't know who the lunatic man was, I had never known him both then and now but somehow he had been more involved in my story than I would have permitted.

Coming out from my drowning thoughts, I read through the reports again and the fact that my actions today could result in something unfavourable in the future, nagged at me consistently in my head.

"Good Day General" I said into the line, once the coded voice had transferred me onto him.

"With whom do I speak"

"Agent Lade Sir" I confirmed my name and I'm sure he had connected the reason for my call was about our discussion earlier today

"Agent, you really are persistent"

"I get that a lot" I replied and he dropped a slight barely there laugh before clearing his throat and proceeding 

"I presume you have the results" 

"I just mailed them to your inbox a few minutes ago" I said and he went silent afterwards. He must be checking to see them on his computer, I thought while waiting for that task to be completed.

"Its cleared, General. My hands are already free and good as knew" I voiced when he was taking so much time.

"I shouldn't have let you go alone, seeing your eagerness you capable of doing anything to come along" he thought out loud, dubiousity creeping in. I knew he wouldn't believe at first interval and receipt but adamant persuasion always prevailed 

"Call the Orthopedist, it's not forged" I said 

"If your life is put at risk because of a bad hand then its your call not mine" he said, washing his hands off again from any problem that may arise.

"I'm ready for the operation and I give you my word, we will be successful" I said finally before the call was disconnected.

Despite the doctor's initial words, I felt no pain still and I hoped it would stay that way.

The car had just entered the junction of Bade Thomas street in Surulere and so many memories began to flood back and fill up my thoughts in a complete state of reminiscing.

My former home stood in its former glory at the far end of the street but I was stunned as I took in the battered and roughed up sight of it. I remembered there were a line of Ixora flowers, lined up at the entrance but now they had all withered away. The white paint on the walls had turned black in some areas, almost all, and its roofs were tattered, some hanging off at its edges.

I couldn't recognize what I once called home but only the memories that still seemed fresh as I looked around reassured me that I was truly in the right place.

I wondered though, maybe my mother and brother had packed out, that was the only logical explanation for the rapid deterioration of this place. Who would I find as I walked up to the door? Will it be they or some stranger, I thought but aside that, everything was conflicting.

Most times, I allowed myself to reflect on the good days, when we were still that perfect family. Those periods of my life where what built me and I refused to dwell on the belaboured and hard memories. At that thought a tear escaped but I wiped it quickly, only thoughts of my family could break through my hardened shell and almost always made me feel again.

I walked forward slowly, my hands falling free down my side as I proceeded. I had removed the cast and even if it was still a bit weird to not have it on, I knew I would have to eventually get used to it. 

I had come up now facing the black door up close, my hands suspended in the air as my fists folded in a quest to knock and announce my presence.

I was afraid, would things be different or what if they hadn't forgiven me. Truly, I missed my family but did they miss me equally. I lowered my head with a sigh before slowly bringing down my hands, it was a mistake coming here, I thought. 

10 years was enough time to solidify grudges and mend broken hearts but I highly doubted it was the latter. They made it clear that they didn't need me the last time, what made me think they would now. 

I stumbled backwards, retreating in my steps looking distraught and defeated. 

I had abandoned my family but I liked to believe they did me first, and I had nothing left to collect here 

"And Prodigal Son has finally found his way back" I heard a voice say after the sound of a door opening was not missed.

I turned and my eyes beheld the now older face of my little brother Tayo. He should be about 26 now, I thought as the sight of him made my heart soar. I hadn't realized I had missed him so much until now, he had changed.

His soft features of when he was a boy had now hardened equally by age and I assumed stress. It must have been hard for him to fend for the family alone, he had every right to hate me even the more.

"Tayo" his name fell off my lips like a whisper as I was still trying convince myself that this was really my brother I hadn't seen in 10yrs. 

I remembered then when we were so close before the tragic incident happened and our perfect family bubble shattered.

My feet weren’t connected with my brain but my heart as it seeked to proceed forward against all odds. It moved an inch but quickly I stopped myself because I knew the outcomes would be the exact opposite of how it played out in my mind. A large part of me wished to discard all the hate and engulf him a bone crushing hug, it was only a wish but the smaller and more sensible part of me knew better than to do so

“What are you doing here” 

“I-I wanted to see how you were doing” I said when I had found my voice, answering his previous question.

“You are already 10 years late” he answered bitterly and I couldn’t even find any silver of hope on his features of him forgetting

When he said that my eyes dropped from his in guilt as I brought them to the concrete steps below. 

“Tayo I’m sorry for everything”

“Its still too late for that also” he said and I looked at him again, more intently but I couldn’t see through the resolute brick wall he had put up to hide his emotions. All I was met with was the unbreakable front that was being presented before me now.

“I understand” I replied while sighing before folding my hands to keep me from mistakenly spilling out what was hidden in history.

He looked at me a moment longer before pulling the door open and disappearing inside. I had thought he deemed that as the end of our reunion, signifying that I should leave. I didn’t follow him and as I was about to leave in the opposite direction a few seconds later, my eyes fell on the measureable space the door had left before reaching the wall. I smiled a bit as I accepted his invitation to come in, he hadn’t shut his door fully.

The inside felt cold unlike the fading warmth it had once brought to my insides. Nothing had changed but everything was different. The furnitures where in a dilapidated condition and it was crying loudly for a change. It made me wonder, had the extreme poverty of then continued. I had hoped somewhere in my mind as a little consolation that they would have at least escaped from the shackles of its hold but now as I viewed, it looked as though things had gotten worse. I instantly felt ashamed, that as I was living a luxury life my family was suffering.

“Welcome home Lade” he said extending his hands towards the view with intended mockery but my eyes still wandered around in assessment.

“Its different” I muttered still awed at the unappealing sight of a place I held dearest in my heart. My eyes moved from the unpainted walls, to the patched roofs and then the empty living room, before falling back to the walls again. If I remembered clearly there was a large portrait of a family picture hung directly at the centre of the parlour but now the space was empty, remaining only the half beaten nail used in hanging it safely to the wall. 

“Were is the framed picture” I asked my eyes still glued to the empty spot on the wall and I heard the shuffling of his feet before he came to stand right beside me.

“Non-existent like this family” 

“Did you throw it away Tayo” I asked staring at him in disbelief. That photo was the only thing that still led me to believe and not doubt that the memories I carried on to my current life now were not just an illusion my subconscious set up to sustain sanity. All through, I remembered the terrible times in the past but I always prided the good ones over them. Now as I stood here, this vicinity only spoke of a onesided truth that layed in ambush only in those terrible moments that were being displayed gradually, as of now.

“I made sure I shattered it to pieces, brother” he said unfazed, like he was happy with his actions.

“How could you!” I exclaimed in forthcoming anguish

“It made no sense hanging up a lie and looking at its sight everyday I wake” 

“It wasn’t your choice to make despite your thoughts” I said pouring out everything finally after all those years.

”You make it sound like I was the only one who gave up on us” he said sparing me a glance before walking further inside the house.

“I never gave up on this family, on us, you were the ones who pushed me away” I said and my words stopped him in his tracks

“Did you regret it, destroying something so valid” I added before he could reply to my previous statement.

“Did you also regret it, leaving?” he countered, bringing forth my own plate. His question put me in thought for a few moments and honestly everyday for 10 years I asked myself this exact thing but I never gave myself an answer and I think it was finally time to do so

“No” I said softly, almost inaudibly but he heard me because he shook his head, lifting the corners of his mouth in a bitter smile which fell back in a line immediately. 

“I don’t regret it either, destroying the photo or I might as well say giving up on our family. I was finally ready to move on then” he said after a while and I knew my words hurt him as his voice gave him away.

“Then?”

“Yes, there seems to be an unfinished business now” he answered his gaze never wavering and I was weary of his look but I shrugged it off inwardly.

I took the first step by taking a seat on the battered couch, its foam contents pouring out at some areas with patches and holes. He joined me a little while after, still not unflinching his stare but giving up when I didn't follow up on his statement before settling down too. The lack of foam in the cushion made it seem as if I was sitting directly on the wooden hold and seeing as how he sat comfortably without any discomfort he must have been used to this.

“So tell me what has my little brother been up to, hobbies, work, love life, family, photography” I said adding the last word because I recalled he had a knack in taking awesome realistic photos. My brother was the creative one in the family, his imagination ran wild and he used it to his advantage at such a young age in creating awesome pictures, drawings, even book fictions too. I wanted to grow up with him and help him harness this ability of his and help it blossom into something spectacular, to bad life didn't ever go as you planned.

“I should be asking you that I mean, new home, new job, luxury life, you were practically living the dream” he said with heeded mirth, effectively dodging my questions.

“Well it never became a reality for me” I said below my breath as he lifted his leg over the other with a distant smile sitting at the bottom of his features. He was silently pleased that I was in some way unhappy, I denoted the idea from his actions and it was disconcerting and a bit painful but I guess he was being directed by vengeful emotions built up in the space of time.

“Why is that” he asked but I wasn’t ready to dwell on presiding facts and soothe his anger with tales of my displeasure. 

“Does Ma stay here too” I asked after a while of silence, created when I had concluded with the flip of my hand, the previous issue. 

“Something like that” he replied but unclearly and it fueled my curiousity

“Why do you speak vaguely” I asked after he had stood to grab a glass.

“You know I’ll never forgive you” he started and he caught me off guard even though I had been expecting an outburst from him. I knew I would receive hurtful words when I got here, just that I wondered why he was calm at the beginning till now.

I didn’t say anything as I waited for him to vent it all out, he gulped down the remaining contents from the glass of water he was holding and then he sparked, or so I thought.

“If only you had been hear a year earlier or two or if you had never left” he said next lowly rather than the outburst I expected with extreme pain evident in voice.

“What do you mean” I asked trying to understand what he was saying but then I dreaded the impending clarity.

“You left me to fend for them alone and I was 16 Lade” he said again, laying all the blame on me when I hadn’t even known what he was talking about

“I have apologized for that” I said matching my tone with his

“And I recalled telling you, you were already too late” he said and I saw clearly the anger in his eyes, his emotions were on full display now and I saw deep down that I was the enemy that caused everything.

“Where is Mom” I said while running my hand through my face after another period of silence reigned.

He didn’t answer me and his stance wavered as he placed himself back on the couch

His hands went up to his face as he racked up in a series of sobs, which were strongly reproached and tried to extinguish by him but it was to no avail.

  "2 years ago, she was..." he started but his sniffs drowned out the words.

    I went numb inside me as a buzzing sound erupted in my head, and it began to pound in fear of his revelation. I didn't want to hear what was running through my mind, as if that was the case I would never forgive myself too.

      "She has Stage four Lung cancer Lade"