chapter 4

"What?! How?" I shouted in absolute shock 

"that can be true Tayo, you are lying to me" I muttered next still dumb struck and refusing to believe his words which struck like double edged swords to my gut

He made an attempt of a slight laugh before replying

"I wished everyday for it all to be a lie but you-" he started but all I could think about was mom, the woman I loved most in the world was dying and I wasn't by her side at all

"Take me to see her Tayo, is she at the Central Hospital or the private one near Old Road" I asked while standling, fumbling for my keys in my pocket in a haste to start off

"You don't deserve to see her" he said silently halting my movements

"She is my mother as well, despite everything that has happened" I screamed throwing my both hands in the air in anger and sadness the guilt weighing on me in tons

"oh tell yourself the truth for once, all ties were broken the day you killed him" he spat getting up too from his seat and dreadfully his words filled with so much veracity 

"For how long Tayo...For how long" I began my words showing all packed up emotions, hurt, anger, pain as I ran my hands through my hair. When my voice trailed off he looked at me, his features mirroring mine in exact contrastity 

"How long would I be held accountable for something that wasn't my fault" I finished after when I regained my voice still etched in hurt.

"For as long as I breathe, to me you will always be a cold blooded murderer" he said unflinchingly with so much spite and I couldn't believe that my once lively and pure brother was filled with so much hate.

I was speechless after his statement and his stare doesn't back down signifyning he meant it to the very last part. 

"You should have rotted in prison!" he continued but I couldn't take it anymore he had already broken through me 

"Just stop, okay" I said with a lone tear escaping from my eyes and I didn't know if I was more hurt at his words or angry that I let him get to me "stop it" I whispered finally.

My 

"I forbid you from seeing mom" he uttered again after the moment had passed, his tone calmer now. I guess I wasn't the only one getting drained from this conversation.

"don't do something you would regret" I asseverated as the once existing hope I had when I entered the house now a forgotten memory 

"Lade you seem to be forgetting that you would live forever with the knowledge that you caused the drift. You have many things to regret in this life, mine would never be compared to even a half of yours" he said as a bitter smiled formed on his face.

"I only regret not being here for her, nothing else" I replied and his eyes met mine again as if for the final goodbye

"Well then I see we've made our choices, leave Lade and never come back, there's nothing left between us anymore" he concluded while folding his hands in to stand more firmly.

"Do one last thing for me"

"What might that be" he stated with a slight lift of his shoulder

...

I hadn't entered this room for years even when I hadn't walked out, I refused to relive a part of my mind I had blocked out of existence but now I needed to remember. I didn't understand it either, whether it was need to punish myself the more or see more reason to justify the actions I took then. The top surface of the Walnut wooden drawer that was placed adjacent to the bed, stood free of contents but once was it occupied by a medium. That little piece that held that spot at the top was what was used to create the drift all those years ago but was I wrong in defending the people I loved from a monster and now I'm being blamed for everything. 

Too bad I couldn't just forget it all happened like Tayo did, the memory lived no more in his mind but it had always been present deep down in mine and each day a struggle to forget and believe it never happened. I could still picture my shocked face as I stood staring at the broken pieces and Tayo's little body shrouded on the floor while shaking repeatedly in fear. 

This was our room, shared once by two inseparable brothers but also on this same ground did everything fall apart. After everything that happened when I was 17, I refused to stay here and I moved to the couch, leaving Tayo alone in it but it was different though then, he was blind and still is.

I opened the wardrobe were I knew he kept his files and at the sight of recent paintings, I confirmed he still hadn't changed its location. I smiled at one of the drawings, it was a picture of a little child who had wings and the ability to fly and roll amongst the clouds. I remembered that was once a dream of ours when we were little, to have wings like the cartooned angels we saw. There was something unique on the black and white sketch, it was a mark but when I looked closely at the diagram that rested at the tip of the wings, it was blurry and all I could make out was a falling petal. 

My hands roamed through the collection and I saw the face of a woman, the painting was done beautifully and it made the face in question look almost alive. The girl was pretty and she had black coloured hair that fell only reaching her shoulders and not beyond. She must be special to Tayo for him to have painted her face so exquisitely like this, it's sad I wouldn't get to meet the woman that had my brothers heart. 

At the last picture I closed his wardrobe before going to the bed and as I sat almost immediately I relived another memory

"Lade!" he screamed excitedly throwing his little bubbly self in a bounce on the large bed made for both of us.

His tone made it impossible for me to ignore him as I knew he wouldn't let me go till I heard what he was so happy about.

"What has got the champ all dopey eyed today" I asked while pinching his chubby cheeks as his face was filled with so much light and even from seeing his bright smile and his missing tooth at the front, I saw myself smiling too despite the gloomy day. The happiness he radiated was so contagious and that was why what I discovered today almost destroyed me.

"Guess!" he said his smile getting bigger and I turned my head up as if in search of what his surprise.

"mmm" I muttered as I brought gaze back to his with my fingers on my chin as if I was in thought. He looked so expectant of what I was to say as sat there wide eyed with so much excitement waiting for me to join his cheer.

I had no idea what it could be but I didn't want to douse his smile and I knew if I didn't make an attempt it would eventually.

"how about we do it this way" I suggested while poking his small nose with the tip of my finger and his head tilted in confusion

"you tell me or else" I continued while bringing up my fingers in a silent promise and then his mouth formed an o shape when he realized I planned to tickle it out of him. 

He was about to dart of running but I grabbed on to his leg dragging him back before he could escape and began the promised tickling fest while he giggled so loudly, thrashing about, looking for a way to leave my hold. I was having so much fun but after a while I let him go when he manged to shout 'I'll tell you in between giggles'

"I got a high school scholarship in an arts and craft school in Seychelles" he voiced and I was silent for a moment before I screamed equally in excitement as he did when he walked into the room.

This was big, finally his path to a wonderful future was being paved but little did I know that the next days events would reverse it sevenfolds worse.

...

I smiled again when the image of his toothless smile filled my mind and I reached out my hands to feel the soft texture of the bed and the spreads above it, silently wishing I could go back to that happy moment and remain there forever.

My hands carried themselves further to were the pillows sat upwards on the bed edge. I laid my head on it, for a while to pretend like I was still that happy 9 year old child or even the time when I was 5. I felt something sticking through the softness of the pillow, something hard. It wasn't all that noticed but then I moved my hands beneath and then it conneted with a metal surface. 

I stared horror struck at the item cradled in the hold of my fingers. I was frozen in place as I took in the sight and then I knew my brother was a completely different person than when I left him. I recalled Richard Young's words "use this as your channel", "Be a good killer", "Hold it in an honorary manner" 

The voices flashed through my mind and I dreaded the reality of what was happening.

...

I left a note on the table, a goodbye letter more incase this was really the last time I would be seeing him supposing something happened to me before the week ran out.

As I turned my back on my brother again, I hoped I had made the right choice this time