chapter 10

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His question left her speechless, just as he'd expected. He just wanted to hear her say it.  For weeks on end, he'd been wishing for this moment.  The urgency in him just wouldn't let it go. He called her up tonight to finally get some straight answers.

Yeah. She owed him at least that. And he knew she felt guilty enough to oblige his self-serving whims.

"You love him?" he asked her again despite the knife-like pain in his heart every time he'd hear her voice. Truth be told, he was scared shitless of hearing the truth...no matter how much he longed to hear it straight from her.

Instead of answering his question, Veronica lifted her hands to hide her face. They both fell silent.

That's when he figured she was already whimpering.  Théo swiped his warm palm against his stubbled cheek. His jaw tensed more as his strained legs stretched under the desk. Now feeling quite contrite, he kept quiet in his seat and waited for her to speak up.

But another minute had gone by and she still refused to talk. He could see she was trying to stop mewling, but to no purpose; her tears just kept coming. Her shoulders shook after every sob. She had her back to the camera now, and he could hear her panting.

The sight hurt like a bitch, which merely riled him more. "Do you love him?" he repeated in a rather reticent tone, out of curiosity and desperation. But much more on the latter, really.

"Sometimes I just hate you for being so stubborn," his flustered ex choked out.

His brain making haste to give a pungent rejoinder, he bit down hard on his lip. He tried to say something but no rational words came to mind.

The last time they'd had it out over the phone, he'd painstakingly tried to talk her into giving it another shot. But she only threw cold water over it. When their argument had gone on, he tried the last-act-of-a-desperate-man approach. Still, he got nil. She hung up on him before he could even say good night.

He swore, certain that it was how this conversation was going to end, too. And, right now, all he wanted to do was tell her he'd like to slap some sense into her head. Opting against it, he gave her an apology instead. It didn't calm her down, though.

"How many times do you want me to say it?" Veronica swore, making him wince at her reddening eyes and quivering lips. "I screwed up, okay? I know!" she blubbered. "I'm sorry I screwed it all up!"

"Look, okay— Fine; let's not talk about it anymore." He slouched more in his chair, now feeling at fault and just wanting for her to settle down. He didn't waste a half-hour convincing her to talk to him, just to spend all night arguing with her over spilt milk. And he sure as heck didn't intend to chew her out.

He should, but the idea seemed pointless and a total waste of breath. He didn't give a rat's ass how it would make him look; he just wanted to stay on her good side.

It took her a moment to contain her emotions. Théo perched the side of his head on his palm. Relieved that she'd stopped crying now, he maintained a calm expression while watching her  blow and wipe her nose.  "Been thinking of spending my birthday there, and the holidays with your parents and Mick."

Veronica froze. Then she cracked a smile, clearly taking it as a bad joke. "You're funny."

"You'll be done recording by then. Let's go skiing," he encouraged. It made the smirk on her slightly swollen lips fade into a questioning look. "Just admit it; you miss me like crazy, too."  He showed off his dimples, which he knew were one of the things that made her fall headfirst for him.

At his teasing, she just kept smiling timidly, gazing back at him with drooping eyelids.

Darn it. He just wanted to be with her. Why was it always too much to ask?

His common sense nagged at him that he should just let her be. But a part of him didn't want to tempt fate by just ditching her and blanking her out of his life. Because he knew that, eventually, he'd only end up labeling her in his head as 'the one that got away'...until he would find it in him to just jump off a bridge so he'd die a quick and easy death.

He swore in his head, fully aware that he was the one who screwed things up first. At the dejecting thought, he glinted hopelessly at the small, velvet-sheathed box next to his pack of smokes. He'd been carrying the damned ring with him all the time since he'd bought it five months ago. She hadn't even seen it.

Languidly, he shook his head, thinking of how ludicrous it was of him to assume the odds were on his side. In retrospect, the chances probably weren't even 50-50.

Like Aly, Veronica flinched at the idea of marriage. She'd made it known she would never be the type to go all doe-eyed at the subject. Théo lifted a hand to hide another scowl, then once more let his boozed brain drift into a pondering state.

It was during their first year together when she'd found out about him still seeing Alejandra. He came clean when she asked him flat-out on the night of their first anniversary; the band happened to be touring across Europe that time. Rather than call it off, Veronica acted as if his cheating didn't matter. And she'd played mind games with him for months on end, clueless that it would backfire soon.

He had sworn that he'd never have done it and kept it from her had she made it clear that she already took their relationship seriously, especially since she was always poking fun at the whole thing from the get-go. One time, she even told his friends she was only dating him because of a bet. Which he knew now was just her quaint way of letting him know that some part of her still couldn't grasp why a guy like him would take interest in a woman like her: years older and "pretty much the closest thing to a narcissistic commitment-phobe" was the phrase she coined.

It wouldn't make any lick of sense to her, but what she had done just wasn't enough reason for him. His fractious common sense simply couldn't concede to her conviction that they just weren't on deck for the end game.

For some unfathomable reason, he was willing to take her back, sweep everything under the rug, and just start over. And, at the minute, the only thing he was sorry for was being stuck with a beautiful, naked, drunk (and probably high, too) 22-year-old passed out in his bed.

Man, was he an idiot.

"Don't know 'bout you, but, I'm gettin' tired of this shit." Without taking his eyes off the screen, he grabbed his beer bottle and took a long sip.

"You're drinking again."

He gulped and put on a stunned expression. "What powers of observation!"

Instead of scowling at his mockery, Veronica pressed her hand onto her mouth to smother a chuckle.

"We good?"

"I don't know. You still drive me insane."

"Yeah. I could say the same to you, Veronica Michel."

"Hey." Via held back a quick laugh. "Wanna hear something funny?"

"What?" he muttered with a slight grin. His heavy, alcohol-laden heart annoyingly felt lighter just seeing her smile.

"Last month, I bought a test kit for the very first time."

Test kit? What? What for?

"My hands and legs were just shaking and..." She snickered and tried to recall more details. "I couldn't breathe while I waited for the red line to appear."

What the fuck? What was she saying?  She bought a pregnancy test kit?  She thought he got her pregnant?  Why hadn't she mentioned anything about it last time?  Wait. Did she mean...she bought one because of Kyle?

"It was terrifying."  Her voice and expression turned utterly serious now. "I was genuinely scared. Not gonna lie."

Appalled by his swirling thoughts, Théo gripped the beer bottle, his heartbeat racing and pounding against his ribcage again.  "Are you serious?"

"Wanted to call you that night, but you're too busy with everything, so..." 

No shit, you should have called, he thought while trying not to scowl.

"Called my mom instead. I didn't even want to go buy one, for some stupid reason."

Oh fuck. He just gave her mother another reason to hate him. Great. Just fantastic.  No way would her family want to meet him in person at this point. 

But now, the idiot hopeless romantic in him also couldn't stop imagining the what-ifs.  What if he did get her pregnant?  Would she take him back?  Would she finally agree to marry him?

Oh shit.  He was screwed beyond measure.

"She said I should stop talking to you."

"Yeah." He shrugged to feign nonchalance, but, actually, her shocking news just made him want to hurl the beer bottle onto the wall. "You should."

"I can't." She shrugged back and smiled weakly, clearly trying hard to lighten the mood now. "Impossible feat."

"She's right, y'know. I'm no good."

Another long-drawn-out silence hovered as they kept staring at each other's dead beat face on the screen. "No. You're a great guy,"  Veronica said with a forced smile. "You deserve a lot more."

"You don't love him." He scoffed. "Can't bullshit a bullshitter."

She budged and shut her pinkish eyes, sighing loudly at his retort. "Baby, I'm trying to get over you."

Théo looked away, still refusing to stand pat on the issue, his fuddled brain cells now busy screening what she just said. His gaze got stuck simultaneously on the black ring box and the half-empty beer bottle. In haste, he reached for the latter. "You and me both."

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