chapter 10

She had really planned on disappearing from the face of the earth since that day she had finally decided to quit the job, go back home, keep the baby and be mostly off-the-grid. And despite the fact that she was the one who kept telling her parents not to tell anyone about the whole thing, somehow, her Uncle Pete had a hunch. She could dimly remember the lecturing tone in his voice when she finally told him the real reason why she quit that suddenly. In the middle of her blossoming career as one of the youngest celebrity make-up artists slash stylists.

“Sweetie— Come on, we both know you didn’t have to quit. It was a huge, life-changing decision for someone as young as you were to keep the baby. Well, babies… But if we’ve told everyone about it, they might’ve even been glad to hear the news. Who cares whether or not you’re in a relationship… It’s your life. You have the right to make your own choices. You didn’t have to throw your career away…”

“I’m really sorry, Uncle. I know, you had plans for me... I’m apologizing ‘cause, sometimes I feel like I disappointed you so much. You gave me a huge opportunity, and I blew it. Quit everything in a heartbeat. You were so supportive.” She was already sniveling at that point.

“No. I was just surprised that you suddenly quit and left. We were all just really preoccupied that time, which was why I hardly even had the chance to talk to you about it. I had a few suspicions, but, I just thought you missed home and maybe felt a little too stressed out. So I didn’t ask much.”

She tried to stop sobbing and thought of coming clean about everything. But she got terrified right before she was about to narrate exactly how it all happened. Therefore, her constant efforts to put less significance to who the guy really was went on. She admitted she had considered the other option but just didn’t have the guts to do it. They were from a very religious clan, after all.

“Thank you, Uncle. Really… You’ve been very generous to us. Always have been.”

“Jessi, you know I’m just a phone call away, if ever you need anything. And your Aunt Marin’s been asking about you. Says she wants to talk to you and your Mom.”

“I-I’ll give her a call sometime next week. I promise.”

That was their last extensive conversation over the phone. And she almost forgot about the frailty of the whole situation. Up until one of her work friends told her her Facebook and Twitter accounts were still working. ‘Cause she told everyone she didn’t like social networking websites as much and had disabled her online accounts since 2005.

On New Year’s Eve, she finally had the courage to check her email, and then her more private email, and wasn’t surprised when she had about a thousand unread messages and notifications. Most were from Facebook, so she had this urge to log on to the website. To check if her account really was still working.

She had about forty friend requests. Most were from her officemates, some were people she had worked with during her earlier stint as a print model for some teen magazines, and about half were from the people she’d worked with in the show. She accepted all of them. Then a chat box made a sound and that was when she realized she had more than twenty unread messages in her inbox. Most were from her work friends, in the show. They were all just curious why she left in a hurry and some wanted to talk to her, hook up and catch up. None of them knew, thank God. She read their messages; they were all so nice and caring, tears started forming in her eyes. She read every single one of them. Darren sent her three messages, asking when she’d be back, the last one was about their 100^th episode celebratory party and he was asking if she was free that week. That was two weeks after she quit.

Matt also sent her a couple of messages; checking up on her, asking her out again, asking about what happened and stuff. His last message read: “I’m really sorry for what happened. Let’s be friends, at least. I miss hanging out with u. U owe me one.” And she scoffed after reading that. The nerve of that guy.

She’d read everything, replied to some of her closest friends she hadn’t been in contact with over the past year, and turned her computer off. Checked up on the twins in the next room, before going to bed half an hour past two in the morning.

On January 4^th, she checked her emails again after putting the twins to sleep, and she was about to drift off when she all at once remembered she needed to purchase baby stuff online for the kids’ third birthday the next, next week. She bought some children’s clothes and shoes using her credit card, and the thought of checking her Facebook crossed her mind again, so she logged on. Seven of her friends replied back to her messages and wished her Happy Holidays, and asked how she was doing. She replied back to them, and someone who appeared to be included in her friends list, someone named Jack Kie, who had an abstract art piece for a profile picture, sent her a message. When she opened the bubble, it seemed he’d sent her about fifteen messages the past four days. It was the fifth message that had her cover her mouth out of anxiety and the nauseating realization that it was actually him trying to contact her.

She read the last seven messages over and over just to make sure it was really him. And that their secret was still a top secret. He apologized and pleaded in almost every message; admitting the fault and responsibility was entirely his, and that he regretted that what happened between them cost her her job, saying he was completely out of his mind to do that to her and admitting he still had sleepless nights with all the guilt he felt, thinking about what transpired, what actually happened and what shouldn’t have. In his last messages, he even mentioned something about him having problems with his life right now; his marriage, his health, and everything. Which stunned her, to say the least. The news got her even more worried.

Did his wife know already? Had he told her about what happened?

Somebody help her. She felt her whole body stiffen and go numb while thinking about them. What they were having problems with and what he could’ve confessed to his wife of three years already.

Goodness, had she just ruined a marriage — a great one, at that?

His last message read: “I know you’re reading this, Jess. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU. Whenever possible. I just want to see you and talk. Please. I’m begging you. Stop hiding from me.”

That gave her chills. But it also got her teary-eyed and made her heartbeat go faster until she just couldn’t keep it all in. Before she knew it, she was already sitting on the floor, her forehead on her knees, sobbing painfully loud for a full hour that she actually woke her parents up.

For two full weeks, she was scared of answering her phone, their home phone, much less read any more online messages from certain people she needed to forget at this point in her life… so as not to cause any more damage, speculations, and intrigue. She busied herself with work to avoid surrendering to the severe anxiety and depression she was nurturing inside. And she just kept focusing on her job and on the twins, most especially. Making sure they were a hundred percent healthy all the time, and got home safe and sound from daycare every day. Her parents really had to help her get through those stressful weeks.

And then it was the twins’ third birthday.

Her parents surprised Kenneth and Emily with a weekend trip to Disneyland, an all-expense paid trip for the five of them. They were just a little above working class, so she wasn’t that surprised ‘cause her dad had mentioned bringing the twins somewhere on their birthday.

            What surprised her was when she saw her Uncle Pete and Aunt Marin when they arrived at the airport three hours before their flight. It was a long weekend.