Capítulo 0005

An HIV-infected person is likely to be refused employment, to lose friends, and to suffer all kinds of stigma, ostracism whether its in the school, the community, or the workplace.

This is an article posted on Chinese social media.

Translated by Alex N

November 16, I wrote a thread on social media

“I would like to meet up with 6-8 HIV positive people, we can have dinner and chat

Place: Beijing, China. Time: This week.

If you’d like to get in contact, please send an email at: xxx.

No need for real names or photos, but I’d like to say your age, gender, hobbies, work, current status of illness and when you have time this week.

Please be assured that I will protect your privacy.”

First of all, I apologize for the improper wording. It is more reasonable to say that it is HIV carriers/infected rather than AIDS. HIV carriers and people with AIDS are not the same group. It was my fault that I did not pay attention to the words when writing this thread.

After posting this thread, I kept refreshing my inbox. Within five minutes, more than ten letters were received. For the next three days, my colleague and I have been reading letters and looking for their contact details. Some of these letters tell us about their illness and personal situation, whilst others contact us curious to see what the fuss is about. Furthermore, some messages express concern and support and some even expressed bewilderment.

To be honest, there are two common replies that I am particularly puzzled about:

One type of response is:

“What are you thinking of?”— Those who sent emails will demonize HIV carriers, making me fear that even if I had dinner with them I’ll get infected with HIV.

Another response was:

"Wow, I never considered these issues regarding AIDS like this before!"—These people are expressing their compassion, but they talk about it disregarding the hardship that HIV carriers go through and make jokes without knowing the real situation.

Its similar to raising awareness of HIV/AIDs in middle aged people, only for some uneducated 60-year-old to mention a sex joke and everyone laughs.

HIV carriers should never be feared as monsters. But this does not mean that AIDS is a joke either. You should not joke around when you are serious but not be nervous when you are relaxed. This is the perspective that this article wants to convey.

After getting everyone's consent, my colleague created a WeChat group. There were seven HIV carriers and one family member of AIDS patients. On the 19th, a total of ten of us ate this meal together.

On my way to the restaurant, I kept thinking on what to say during the dinner. I don't want to be a reporter, do in-depth interviews, and investigate. These things have already been done by many people.

I hope I could participate in the dinner naturally without any awkward pauses or gazes, and hope that we can talk freely between ourselves without fear of being too invasive, even if it does add some difficulty to when it comes to writing it up.

The least I should do is to show up. So here goes nothing.

The restaurant is near Chaoyangmen. At 6 o'clock, I arrived on the third floor. As soon as I opened the door, I saw that there were already two seated plus my colleague. They were 2 boys and when they saw me, they were quite startled. It's the kind of "wow, its you in real life" kind of shock. In fact, the night before, when they received the group notification, they explained that they were both excited and nervous. One of them works in a public institution related to science and engineering; the other is a student from Henan.

To be honest, at the beginning it was a bit awkward. I just didn’t know what to say. It may also have been because the restaurant had no background music and the waiter’s face was a bit ugly. A few others came one after another, we looked at the restaurant menu and

and waited for the last few stragglers. Being in a group of strangers where no one knows anyone: it really isn’t easy to break the ice and this meal has a difficult topic to hide, which won’t be easy to discuss. After 40 minutes, the last girl came in. She wore a mask when she entered the door and said that she had just left work and was in a traffic jam.

Except for the patient's family, everyone else is a carrier, 6 guys and a girl. Because my audience is different, there are fewer straight men who follow me on social media, so all these 6 guys are gay. Their ages range from 18 to 28. Some are going to study abroad, some are studying for a master's degree, and some are working. In addition to being infectious, the only thing in common is my fans. Hence, the first thing after entering the door is to give me a big hug.

We avoided ordering too much “high energy” food and also beverages i.e alcohol.

On the menu, most of the dishes were seafood so we couldn’t order much. One of the guys told me a story on why he hates traditional Chinese medicine: When one of his friends with AIDS told him that he could not eat “high energy”, he laughed at Chinese medicine theory.

His friend said: “That’s because you’ve got AIDs.”

"I hardly ever have sex, I never thought I would be infected"

Everyone finds it hard when they know the test comes back positive. And when he

was diagnosed positive, he was sad and depressed. "I hardly ever have sex, I never thought I would be infected" In fact, he even wondered whether it was that time when he went to the dentist to pull out a tooth and lost a bit of blood.

“Sigh, stop thinking too much” I say, “it probably was that time.”

“Yeah, it probably was.”

Others are more aware of who had infected them, with one guy, he believed that the party was unaware of his condition and after he proposed to have themselves tested, the other person blocked him on social media. However most of the people seemed to be unclear on who it was who had infected them. If this was seen as a crime, then here are the victims. However, it should be noted, that the infection may have been an accident and if that is the case then this is nothing more than a very unfortunate event.

The youngest person at the table only found out this year that he had it, but his health has not been good for several years and he was hospitalized with pneumonia.

When it was found, his CD4+ T cells (surface antigen differentiation cluster 4 receptors, usually CD4 above 500 for people with better physical fitness) was as low as single digits, and the doctor concluded that it should be infected for three years. "But nothing else." When it was found, his CD4 (surface antigen differentiation cluster 4 receptors, usually CD4 above 500 for people with better physical fitness) was as low as single digits, the doctors commented that he may have been affected as early as 3 years ago but there were no other signs.

Most of the others had found out recently as well, with the most recent person only discovering 5 days ago and since then had been taking medicine every day for the last 5 days. Hence, if I posted this thread on November 10, he would not participate. "I'm also perplexed. Some of the people I know have way more sex than me. They are all ok, but I’m not." He said this jokingly but also a bit angry, after discovering that he was positive,

he could not sleep for a few nights, and he had been searching for information about treatment online.

“Those who can afford the luxury should go to Thailand, and USA have got all the latest medicines yet the WHO have not licensed all the new products. By default, important medicines are not subject to patent restrictions due to pricing. Thailand has lots of people infected, and they are always studying USA’s R&D medicine into HIV…but asking to take time off is a hassle.” This aforementioned person is the oldest in the group and has read lots of resources on HIV cures and treatments so much so that he might as well be considered an expert.

One of the other guys found out by accident during blood donation which his boss had asked him to do. Though he was a bit nervous, he still went. While in class, the hospital called to give him the results and told him he tested positive for HIV: This was the 2nd day after his birthday. After going back to the classroom, he tried to make a joke to calm the situation except no one laughed.

“Was it really not funny?”

“Nope, not really.”

“Lol, alright then.”

Of all the people sitting around me: some of them were optimistic, others were calm and rational seeking to find ways to treat their illnesses. However most of them were just shocked that they were infected in the first place. Especially the woman who came in late, she didn’t talk much throughout the whole dinner and didn’t even say who it was that infected her (maybe she didn’t her the question).

None of them felt as if they “belonged” here eating dinner with others who are also HIV positive.

“It just doesn’t feel real”, This is one of the few phrases that the woman uttered throughout the whole dinner.