chapter 3

Esther had moved on from me, from us. She now dates the president of our school union.

I saw them together at the nightclub we used to attend together.

She whispered into his ears when she saw me and they both looked at me and laughed.

I had wanted to go over to their table to say hello, but I won't anymore.

I found a seat at the far corner of the club, where it was dim and I could watch as people came in and left.

"Penny for your thoughts." I heard a voice say. I awoke from my reverie and smiled at her. 

She was scantily dressed, with heavy makeup, she couldn't be more than twenty years old, her hair was tied in a ponytail, which made her cheekbone slimmer and added some youthfulness to her.

"Hello," I replied to her, trying not to show my discomfort.

I had wanted to tell her I wanted to be alone but didn't when I noticed Esther looking my way.

We stayed together and I got to know her name was Ruth. She was also willing to go home with me, it would only cost me ten dollars.

The way she touched me showed she was an expert in this and I felt some jolts.

Maybe just maybe This is what I needed to prove am not gay.

I didn't want to take her home in case things go awry, so I paid for a room in a hotel nearby.

She was fast and ravenous, I tried hard to match her energy. She touched me in places I can't begin to mention.

I could feel the bulge from within my pants all I needed was to make love with it.

Ruth pulled off my T-shirt and pants and I stood naked, I felt conscious wanting to cover up but I didn't, it was now or never.

Then she pulled off her clothes, as I watched her body I didn't feel any butterflies rather I felt my bulge coming down.

I rushed over to her in a bid to ensure my bulge didn't disappear completely.

Ruth thought I was overwhelmed by her features. "You can't wait to devour me right." She said smiling and looking pleased.

"Yes, I said smiling." If only she knew how I really felt, nothing at all. 

I switched off the lights in the room, maybe if I don't look at her I would be able to make love to her.

I went completely limp on top of her, I tried my best to wake up my sleeping organ to no use.

I sat up confused, Ruth didn't care as long as I paid her for her time. 

She dressed up and left me there, to my own thoughts and circumstances.

There was only one solution to this, I sat up thinking, I must fall in love as Emeka said.

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My final year exam was just around the corner, I completely forgot about women, sex, and falling in love.

I needed good grades to get a good job in these hard times. 

After two weeks the result came out and I passed with flying colors. 

The future looked bright and not too scary anymore.

Six months later I went for youth service, it was compulsory for all graduates in Nigeria.

I wore my white shirt, brown khaki trouser, and booths which were the uniform for all attendants.

The camp which was what we called our gathering station was already filled with people when I came in. 

I filled the forms and was fully registered to commence my training.

I went into town after registration, to scout for accommodation.

I needed a place to stay until one year of my service expires.

My service uniform made it easy for me to get a one-room apartment. 

I quickly paid and moved in, accommodation was scarce and if I delay in taking possession, the landlord would rent it out to someone else.

The building was not in its best conditions, the roof had patches of color with cracks in different places, I hoped it wouldn't lick when the rain comes.

The paint on the walls was peeling from neglect and lack of maintenance. 

There was no tap water, so that means I had to fetch water from the well whenever I needed water.

Irrespective of all these problems, I was grateful to have a roof over my head.

Living conditions in this part of Lagos was pathetic.

To my delight I met other tenants who were here for their service too, we all became friends.

Within some months Ade and Seun became couples followed by Musa and Fatima.

I wasn't interested in dating so I remained only friends with them all. 

Jude stayed in the next compound and since we had mutual friends, we both became friends too.

He was really smart and intelligent. He had dimpled chicks and his hair was cut off completely, when he was outside in the sun it glittered. 

He had a full beard on his jaw which made him look older than us, all though we all were in the same age range.

We both later became good friends and I found myself spending time with him. 

He liked telling jokes and his demeanor made it easy to be his friend. 

He would make caricatures of movie stars when we were bored and needed entertainment.

I had gone to drop off the book I borrowed from him, his hands rubbed mine and I felt an electric shock go round my body.

I looked at him wondering if he felt what I felt but he said goodbye and locked his door.

As I went to my apartment, I wondered what this meant, I felt excited because the feeling was indescribable, and sad because it spelled doom.