chapter 47

After saying goodbye to all my friend, we walking to his car.It was late afternoon, in the car, he staring at me "you know, I'm happy today, I want to take you to a place" and we driving away from there. He bring me to the peak of the hill, over there he put the blanket on the grass, pull out the picnic basket from the back car. We sit there, enjoying the view, I pouring the glass of orange juice, and give it to him. 

It was getting late, the sun was starting to set, I looked around me, the air started to feel cold, I put my hand on my chest, Blake glance at me, suddenly he stand and walking into the car. I see he brings his jacket, he put it on my shoulders. His natural scent on the jacket filling my nose. His smells better than any perfume I've ever known.

Suddenly he pull out a small black box from his pocket, he take my hand, staring into my eyes with a gaze mixed with emotion

"I don't remember since when I falling for you, all I know is, I always miss you, if you aren't there I feel lost, everyday I thinking of you, when I sleep, I dreaming of you, I hate when boys trying to get your attention, when they see you with like they want to eat you, I feel I want to kill them all" He opened the black box, there is a couple rings, it made from silver, plain without any extras.

"Baby, this just my promise rings for our relationship. I know we still have a long way to go, but I'll stay by your side all the time, when you're happy, sad, in trouble or alone. I love you, and I want you to be mine. When you will continue to study later, I want everyone know you're taken, you are mine, always mine"

I took the rings, I saw the ring there were both of our names engraved inside the rings. I'm speechless, my tears flowed, I can't describe my feeling. I feel the situation started to become very intimate, he started to look at me, put his arm behind my head, he staring at my eyes. I swear to God that in that exact moment I was about to scream, but I'm so nervous, at this point we're so close, our nose were touching and suddenly he crash his lips into mine.

He kissing me slowly, I felt the butterflies in my stomach, damn its my first kiss, Blake took my first kiss. After our first kiss, we stared at each other, giggling, that night was magical, it seems like we were in a film, it was so perfect.

When we on our way to my home, I kept thinking about what happens today, my day with Blake, our encounter with his first love. Even its bothering me, but distracted  by how he treats me all day. I think Blake can read my mind, because suddenly he asked me "do you mind to sharing your thought with me ?, I feel something's bothering you"

Playing my fingers in my lap, I don't know whether should I told him about my feelings or keeping it. I'm afraid it will cause misunderstanding between us. She's his first love, and his childhood friend, what if I told him later, I'm afraid he will think that I'm over reacting.

He assured my while changing the gear, he take my hand "I thought we never keep secret between us. You know you can trust me"

I sigh, take my deep breath, I still afraid how's he reaction after I told him my feeling, but everything that he said is true, we shouldn't keep secret, if we want our relationship works.

"I aware with your relationship with her, she's your first love, and childhood friend. Don't get me wrong, I'm jealous, yes, I admitted it, but come on, its natural when girls jealous, it means she likes that person, and correct me if I was wrong, remember Sean ? I think you do the same things as well. Maybe I'm just overthinking of many things. I lack my confidence about you and me dating. What do you see from me ? you can find girls more than I do. You are the first person that have a serious relationship with me. Honestly I don't know what am I thinking now" I put my hand covering my face.

Finally I spilled all of my fear about us to him. I don't realize that my eyes teary, I wipe it quickly hoping that he didn't noticed. I glance at him, he gripping his steering wheel tight. He just looking at the way, but didn't say anything.

Maybe I was wrong for telling him everything, but I don't care, I already made my decision. It will be better if we sort it out soon, so I can healed my broken heart quickly. When we arrived at my home, before I go out of the car, I see he run to my door. He took his hand in mine and help me get out but the moment I was on my feet he pressed his bulky body against mine and wrapped his arms around my torso.

Fuck, does he know, he'll only make me attached to him more, and he makes everything hard for me.

"Can we stay like this ? forever ? Baby, I see only you in my eyes, mind, and heart. She's in the past, and now I don't have feeling to her. Time will show you how much do I care for you." He plays the ring that is on my finger, the same ring he wore. "Remember this ring baby. Its my promise to you, don't ever doubt my feelings"

I cry harder as a sob escaped me, he wiping my tears off, he look panicked "hey hey don't cry baby, please smile. Don't be sad now"

"They're happy tears silly" I said smiling through my tears.

"Good night" I said standing outside my house, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Well, I guess his jaw since he's so big and tall. I reach my house, opening the door and step into my room.

When I'm in my bed, I kept replaying his words on my mind. Shit, the cassette, I suddenly remember his gift, I reach my backpack, and pull out the cassette. I put into my walkman, push the play button, and Lea from toto playing on my head set. I listening my playlist that Blake gave to me until I fell asleep.