chapter 59

◇ KEL ◇

Ospedale Santa Maria, Assisi

Room 209

...

Guilt had never felt this tangible in a long while. It crawled under her skin. It heightened the shame that coupled with regret and perplexity. Shame for just letting it all happen. Shame for not even trying to stop it from happening.

The dam just collapsed. Too full for inhibitions. Too full for second thoughts. Or perhaps this was a long time coming?

The lights weren't bright at all, but her chest coiled at the thought of him seeing everything. As far as memory served her, he'd never seen her this unclothed.

Not once had she seen him this naked, either. It wasn't what bothered her, though. At this point she just wanted to make sure he was still somewhat comfortable being in the same room with her, being in the same bed with her.

Totally out of the blue. Totally didn't make a lick of sense. She hadn't imagined it would go this far. This night was supposed to end with her dozing off while editing some statistical discussion paragraphs, as scheduled.

Not with both of them in his bed, undeniably naked, and awkwardly gauging each other's feelings. Definitely out of control.

Screw it. She had to clear the air. Now. "Hey. I, uh, really need to work on that paper."

At her hushed words, Enzo looked at her, swore under his breath, and shut his eyes. Crow's feet deepened below his thick brows. They looked more beautiful upclose. "Sorry." He stroked her forearm but stopped immediately.

Sorry? Why did he look so...guilty?

He got out of bed in haste to put on pants. Was he all of a sudden embarrassed to be naked in front of her?

The ceiling lights were off, but the yellow lamp kept the room softly lit. She could see how ruffled his hair was. Bedhead. All because of her, actually. She loved touching his hair. And face. Hands. His perfectly toned arms, shoulders and smooth back...

Enzo avoided her gaze and reached for his shirt. He got dressed in seconds, while she stayed completely naked under her wrinkled dress.

Okay, then. Message received.

To him, it was all a mistake.

The unsettling realization hit her the moment they both realized what on Earth just happened. She wasn't embarrassed by it;  what bothered her was his shock after what they both let happen.

Oh geez. So he's definitely seeing someone!

Someone he knew would be too upset by this...momentary indiscretion.

Of course you're just the side chick. Get real, Mykaela.

"I can keep a secret. Relax," she murmured as he kept cussing to himself. Enzo sat on the bed, on the farthest edge. Maybe to seem close but deliberately avoiding any more physical contact with her?

"Sorry," Enzo muttered.

Great. Another confirmation she needed. He certainly, undeniably regretted every second of—

...

"Bellezza..."

Dream. Of course.

It was just a dream.

Why so vivid, though? Oddly specific and...coherent. She could even remember how his skin smelled. How soft his hair felt in between her fingers. She hadn't had one of those dreams in a while.

Fatigue. She was downright exhausted. Hence her overactive imagination messing with her subconscious again. Mykaela glanced around the airconditioned room. She fell asleep on the bed, instead of watching over the patient while he tried to get some rest. Mykaela blinked the grogginess away. She stretched her strained arms, where her head had rested on.

Pale blue hospital gown. The smell of fresh antiseptic. Gauze around his fist. Morphine in his IV drip. Enzo stayed reclined on the white hospital bed, eyes closed, legs covered by thin sheets.

Right. They put him in a private room after surgery. She had accompanied Lorenzio to the ER with his bodyguard and one of Miles' security men. Enzo's family lived far north and probably still had no clue about what happened.

The doctor thought she was his girlfriend and had explained the treatment plan. Some stitches on his knuckle, two mildly fractured ribs, multiple contusions and abrasions, but his other injuries were superficial. She only took a nap after making sure he'd finally fallen asleep. Thanks to the painkillers.

Her flight back home was in two days, but if Enzo didn't feel any better tomorrow, she'd have to stay longer here in Italy.

"Just go back to New York. You have exams. He'll live." Miles sounded rather pissed over the phone earlier, stressing his valid point. She needed to focus on schoolwork and not worry her family. But she didn't want to leave just yet, and neither could she stop checking up on Lorenzio no matter how much it bothered Miles.

Her eyes traced Enzo's sleeping profile when she suddenly heard him sigh. He was awake. It was actually his voice she'd heard. "Hey. You okay?" Kel watched.

He tried to shift on the bed and grunted. His shiner distracted her less in the dimmed lighting, but she could still see the outline.

"Need something?" She stood up and waited for him to speak. She poured him a cup of water just in case. "Thirsty?"

"No. Bathroom."

"Oh. I'll help you." She helped him off the bed with one arm, led him to the bathroom, and pushed the IV stand towards the sink. "You good?"

"Thanks." He shut the door and peed. It took him about a minute to finish, then he started washing up.

"Don't get the stitches wet. 'Kay?" She bit on her lip when he muttered profanities in Italian. Then the faucet was off. "All good?"

Enzo didn't reply and swung the door open. He weakly shook his head when she asked if anything hurt. Obviously a lie. But he let her help him get back on the hospital bed because he was still limping. He also did his best to avoid her eyes.

"Need to talk to someone? Your phone's in my bag."

"Already on it." A slight grin dimpled his cheeks. His voice sounded hoarse, his light-colored eyes calm but tired and droopy. He reclined. Enzo couldn't lie down on his back so he was almost sitting up. Doctor's orders.

"Oh. Who was it? Someone came in?"

"Yeah. She's someone who listens and cares. Sometimes too much." Enzo smiled faintly and kept his eyes shut.

Alright. Since it was clear he wasn't in the mood to chat or clarify any issues, she'd play his game. "Because she does. Especially  when it's her friends."

"Like I said, nice to a fault."

She savored the compliment. "Just say so if you need something. I'll wait till they discharge you."

At her reassurance, his smile faded. It got replaced by a frown that creased his forehead and shapely lips.

"Does your head still hurt?" She touched his neck to check his vitals and body temperature. Pretty normal. Thank God.  Besides the reddish contusions around his eyes, cheek and bloody lip, his complexion looked quite paler than his usual tan. "How's the pain?"

Enzo didn't say another word for a minute or two, so she pretended to get busy organizing his and her belongings on the couch. She'd brought some clothes for him. Shirts. Underwear. Sweatpants.

Was he plainly ignoring her? Was she being intrusive now? Irritating? Probably. But she cared about his health and well-being more. She stopped fussing over their stuff and stood near him. She watched him rest on the bed, but he looked too bothered to go back to sleep. Was he in much pain again? "Hey. Talk to me."

"What else is there to say? You've seen and heard everything," he muttered after a moment of silence.

She took a step back. His flat tone denoted his current mood, which she understood. "Okay. Sorry."

"For what?"

"Just sorry." She gently touched his hand, the one with the needle stuck in his knuckle. He glanced around the room but still avoided her eyes. It kinda hurt, but, she understood why. "I should be, but...I'm just not used to you being so...quiet. Distant. Worries me a lot."

"Don't waste your time worrying about me."

She shut her mouth. Okay. So, he didn't like the thought. Maybe he was telling her the truth earlier? Maybe he was that serious about pushing her away for good? To "move on". Darn. Why did the mere thought hurt her?

"Why are you even here?"

"What?" Some panic rose in her chest because of his deepening frown. Was he mad at himself? At his brother? Upset by what's happened to his family? Or all of it?

"Just stay away from me." Enzo sighed. "I just fuck up everything."

He thought everything was his fault? "What do you mean?"

"You need your life back. So, just stay away."

Right. Fine. He was angry. Frustrated. She knew why. Kinda. But she still needed him to talk. "And why's that?"

"You're unreal." Enzo got quiet again as he stared blankly at the ceiling. His voice sounded grimly monotone now. He slowly pulled his hand away when she touched him again.

Ouch. Another quick stab in the chest. "What?"

"Too good for all this chaos."

Was he still talking about her? "Am I?"

Her sardonic response made him glare at her. Enzo scowled, seeming upset by her nonchalance. "He hurt you. He tried to kill you, Mykaela. Why didn't you just press charges?"

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