chapter 7

Chapter One

I can't stop thinking about you...even when I sleep. Memories of you follow me everywhere and every time. 

I was still thinking of how I'd express my feelings when she showed up unexpectedly, smiling as she walked up to me at the seatout.

"Hello!!!" 

"What're doing here?" I'd asked trying to conceal my surprise and gladness. She'd smiled coyly and dusted the concrete before taking a seat. Then looking up and meeting my curious gaze, she'd patted my thigh gently.

"I came to see you silly." Came her reply a little too casual. I never felt the way I did when I heard those words, something was not right. 

We'd been friends for sometime but she'd never really called me out just to see me. I was the goodboy introverted nerd blessed with natural weirdness. She was perfect! Just like a hot princess or an angel not even science could explain. Still, she was a bad guy magnet. Correction, she was a guy magnet who was specially attracted to bad guys. Though she'd blow them off everytime. To her since we met, I was a listening ear, a confidant, a friend and a nerd. Though she'd been taking the few nuggets I gave her when she asked my help and when I'd felt it a necessity, she always acted indifferent towards me. As opposed to my occasionally obvious and discreet display of affection. I was head over heels for her. Just never told her. When she'd asked to see me an hour later after I'd texted her to check up on her in the evening, I knew I had to tell her. It was eating me up and she had to know. That was my resolve though her response had come as a surprise to me. Mostly because she had a boyfriend and he was everything she ever talked about. She wasn't bringing him up like she did whenever we met. 

Maybe this is the hands of fate acting in my favor. I ain't gonna miss this chance.

"There's something you should know." I'd started.

She'd listened with keen interest. Something felt amiss and I'd felt it. Still, I'd ignored my troubled thoughts and strange feelings. This was the girl I'd fallen so deep in love with that I wanted to tell her right away. So I started calmly, like the professional my preceding research on the internet described. 

Play it cool. Don't mess this up. You might never get this chance again. 

I was sweating and nervous. Whether she noticed or not, it didn't matter to me. After a few calculated deep breaths, I felt ready.

"I umm...I've a huge crush, I mean feelings for someone...and umm, she umm, is here." My voice had tightened. Her radiant face had become pale suddenly. I took a deep breath and held it. A brief awkward silence later, she sighed. I released the air I'd been holding. The sudden hunger for air nearly got me choking on the clean air that made their way into my lungs as my body sang to the glory of breathing. I only shrugged my shoulders as gently as I could. The her gaze slowly made their way to my face, eyes searching for something I knew not before it met mine and held it. I wanted to sink into those beautiful eyes.

"Who is she?"

"She's looking at me now." I waited. I wanted to give her a glimpse of the ocean of affection I had for her. To see in one quick moment, how I saw her and how much she meant to me through my eyes. I hoped she would see it. She might have for all I know. The thin line that had appeared on her once radiant face slowly turning to a curve. She was now smiling as her eyes glimmered with excitement. 

"She might feel the same way you know." She finally said.

"But what about CJ?" I'd asked.

"We're just friends–" She had adjusted closer to me. Hugging her was all I could think of as she leant towards me, eyes on mine and time froze.

* * * 

Darkness was upon me when I finished my day's work. Every part of my muscle ached for relief and I was just going to do that when my phone rang. 

"I need to see you today–" The female voice on the other end started. 

"Anything the matter?"

"I wanna talk to you about something." Came the reply with a tone of worry before the line was cut. 

I could barely feel my legs when I arrived our hangout spot— a seatout surrounded by a beautiful garden beside the university's square —and it was closer to CJ's lodge.

We were seated at the seat-out twenty minutes later. There was worry on her face, one she tried to conceal...and I was terribly fatigued, and barely awake. 

"I still love him...but I don't want to anymore." She'd cried.

"What happened?" I didn't know how I was still awake.

"He called me a liar." She started, trying not to sob. "I suffered the greatest trauma of my life because of him and all he did was shun my calls." She stopped to see if I was listening.

I simply nodded, I didn't know what else to tell her that I had not yet said. He was her first love, he broke her heart, abandoned her and when she finally decided to move on, he showed up. This was the cycle and I'd hoped she'd see it (she should have) but she didn't. Worse still, I was deeply developing feelings for her too. I knew I was going to be on the bad end if the cycle continued so I left, though it hurt.

"Zee, I'm sorry but I think it's up to you now." 

"I know, but that's not the reason why I wanted to see you." She was now picking her nails. 

"What's going on?" I wasn't sure of where she was driving at till she looked me right in the eyes, tears welling up, again. 

"I killed him. I killed CJ." 

"Why?" My eyes widened and my voice turned to a whisper. I did not want to show my sudden surprise and fear though I knew I wanted to. 

"Cos I love you." She winked at me, teardrops falling from her eyes.

"Jesus!!!"