chapter 39

Corey was staring at the frozen TV screen, waiting for Dorian to return. He could hear the faint mumble of muffled voices but they were too vague to make out. So, he waited in silence, wondering who was stood on the other side of the door.

As he waited, his attention was caught by the book sitting unfinished on the coffee table. His life had become momentary distractions, temporary tasks to occupy his thoughts before he was absorbed by depression and self loathing. If he filled every available second with something to look at, something to do, something to think about, he'd never have to confront the demons living within his very head.

So he picked up the book; his next temporary distraction.

He didn't really read it, he just flicked through the pages and skim read the text. He was surprised to find that it wasn't a clean copy but awash with Dorian's personal notes and thoughts. It was the library's copy so he couldn't write directly in it, but that didn't seem to stop him. Half the pages had post it notes clinging to them, covered in a messy scrawl.

He'd written out quotes and scrawled question marks beneath them. But what intrigued Corey was the use of his own name. Over and over and over.

Dorian would highlight a certain passage by placing a sticky note down — the majority of them apparently relevant to Corey. They were usually about art and beauty and aestheticism. Some were about love, morality, romance, decadence. But they always somehow linked back to the boy Dorian sat next to in English class.

corey

corey corey corey corey corey corey corey corey

Sometimes Dorian would get lazy and just write one letter.

c

But Corey knew.

He flinched when he heard the front door slam shut and the voices became clearer, crisper. It was loud enough for him to distinguish that it had been a girl at the door, and she was now inside the house. Corey hastily shut the book and tossed it back onto the table, leaning back nonchalantly onto the sofa.

When the pair entered, Corey noted Dorian's flushed expression. He looked spaced out and concerned. Corey's immediate thought was, does he like her? He quickly scrapped that — even if he did, it was none of Corey's business. Dorian was allowed to like whoever he wanted. 

Plus, he couldn't blame him; the girl was gorgeous. Corey recognised her as being on the hockey team and knew she was one of Dorian's friends. She wore no makeup but her skin had a natural healthy glow to it and her smile illuminated her face. "Hi. I'm Leah." She greeted.

"Corey." He replied softly.

Dorian took his place beside Corey once more, pulling the blanket back over his body and scooting closer for warmth. They were so close, Corey could practically hear his heart beating. "What happened to your face?" Leah asked Corey worriedly, taking a seat in the armchair by the sofa.

"N-Nothing." He responded.

"Corey's not exactly a talker." Dorian interjected, attempting to lighten the mood. "Do you want anything, Lee? A drink or something to eat?"

She shook her head, "Nah, I'm okay. I bought some stuff." She gestured to the plastic bag and pulled out a packet of popcorn, chucking it towards the boys on the sofa. "Press play then." She urged impatiently, glancing at the TV. 

Dorian did as told and resumed the film, but his mind was somewhere else. Not on the film or even the pretty boy sat beside him. It wasn't on his friend who had come to check up on him but only made him internally freak out. It was on Leah's brother, Micah.

He was in the year below and possibly even more of a twink than Corey was. He wore more makeup than half the girls Dorian knew and his hair was always pinned back with butterfly clips. The fact that Micah was so feminine was most likely the reason Dorian had ended up taking things too far with him. It was justifiable — he was a boy but he looked like enough of a girl to get away with it. 

Leah had broken up with him the month before and Dorian was a hormonal, horny mess. Luckily there weren't any bad feelings between him and Leah; in all honesty, he was planning on breaking things off anyway. They remained friends and somehow grew even closer than before they started dating. It was actually Leah who had brought him to the party.

He never planned on getting off with her brother. He was drunk and all the girls were either passed out, taken, or not interested. Micah was just there, looking pretty and approachable. So Dorian did what any other horny teenager would do and asked him if he wanted to go upstairs. 

They didn't have sex. They just made out for a little bit and jerked each other off. And that was that.

Micah was sweet enough to never tell anyone — besides Leah apparently. Dorian was forever grateful for that. Sometimes he'd see the boy in the corridors and they would share a smile and a brief conversation. Micah's boyfriend was on the rugby team with Dorian and together they were one of the school's favourite golden couples. Even the teachers thought they looked cute together.

And for the first time since his drunken mistake with his friend's brother, Dorian was feeling something for another boy. Something beyond friendship or platonic emotions. It was brand new and completely different. And it wasn't just sexual like it had been with Micah. It was so much more than that.

All he could do was wonder if Corey would ever feel the same. 

But Dorian knew that Corey feeling the same way would somehow be worse. 

If they both liked each other, they'd have to do something about. Dorian would have to confront his feelings and realise that what he felt for Corey was so much more than just a schoolboy crush. He'd have to figure out his own identity all over again. He'd have to worry about how to even go about liking a boy.

If nothing happened, Dorian could just sweep those feelings under the rug and go about his life as normal. He'd move on, get a girlfriend, fall in love, break up and then do it all over again. He could look into those sparkling green eyes without his heart melting and he could hear that soft voice without his fingers tingling. He could sleep without dreaming of baggy jumpers and dimples awaiting a smile. He could live his life.

He wouldn't have to worry about building a relationship, constructing a love story only for it to fall apart.

He'd have to tell his friends, his Mum, his teammates. The whole school would know and even if they didn't judge, there was no doubting they'd look at him differently. He wouldn't be the same person. Was Corey really worth him tearing apart his entire image only to build a new one?

He already knew the answer, there was no point fooling himself.

Of course Corey was worth it.

He was worth that and so much more. He really believed he could do it. For Corey. He could question his identity, build a new persona, come out to everyone that mattered and let people judge him however they wished. If Leah wasn't present in the room, he probably would have leant forward and kissed the boy right there and then.

That was the thought that got him through the rest of the cheesy movie. Imagining Corey's soft pink lips, his warm breath, his gentle hands. Imagining running his fingers through his hair and making him moan. He pictured Corey pinned beneath him, his hair fanned out over the pillow, his lips swollen from Dorian's rough kisses. Panting and begging and moaning. Sweating and blushing and—

"That was the worst move I've ever seen." Leah scoffed as the credits began rolling.

It was finished already? Dorian was snapped out of his erotic train of thought. His cheeks reddened and his tightened the blanket around him in embarrassment. He'd completely zoned out and had no idea how it ended. All he was focussed on now was not glancing across at the boy sat next to him. He couldn't look at Corey right now, he felt way too guilty.

"Well, I better get going." Leah got up and grabbed her stuff. "I'm late for training." She explained. "Dory, I'm glad you're okay, just call me if you need anything, alright?"

Dorian nodded and stood from the sofa to lead her out. "Thanks, Leah."

"It was nice meeting you, Corey!" She smiled.

Corey nodded, "You too." He mumbled. Dorian forgot how reserved Corey was when it came to strangers. He was just thankful that Corey had finally begun to open up to him.

"Huh — Dory and Corey. Cute." She noted under her breath.