chapter 3

• Days before the band's 400th show • 

Kyle stepped out of his car when his glaring bandmate was about to grab the door handle. He slammed the door shut. His legs stiffened somewhat as he walked past her. He lifted his fist to try to obscure the sight of him gritting his teeth. The sky just got darker. Like his mood.

"Where were you?"

"Go back inside; it's gonna rain," he muttered. He nodded in the direction of the hotel's main entrance.

"Do I look like I give a shit?"

He itched the stubble above his lip. He expected this reaction from her, but did she really have to swear at him?

Part of him badly hoped she wouldn't push him to talk to her about his problems, since it was evident she was in the mood to berate him extensively. Kyle glanced skyward again to tune her out.

Looming gray clouds inched closer by the second. A coat of dust had overlain his car's usually glossy black roof. As he trudged around the hood, he disregarded her glare and locked the doors.

"Come on." He was about to grab her by the arm when Veronica shoved him and stepped back to avoid his clasp.

"Where were you?"

He lifted his gaze and met the intensity of her eyes; they stirred up the riot going on inside him. He'd never seen her this upset—he'd never gotten her this upset, rather. And he knew she was fuming even more because he was ignoring her again. But it was all he had to do. To keep sane. Story of his life. He inhaled a lot of the unpleasantly cool and humid air, before deciding to give his apology now. "Sorry I—"

"No shit. I told you to lay off that disappearing act of yours. And yet here we are. The heck, man. What is your deal?  I'm being considerate and all but you keep doing shit like this—"

"I'm sorry." He kept his cool and tried not to take in her outrage. Even if she did look hurt and disappointed, he knew he had to keep his cool, or he might just snap at her.

"Just tell me what's wrong!"

Rainfall dropped on his shoulder and made him realize his neckline had gotten stretched out to the left. Kyle looked up. The fat gray cloud was already hovering right above the parking lot. "Come on." He'd already clutched her arm before she could protest. He dragged her back inside the hotel when heavy rain just fell straight on them in seconds.

Their clothes were already soaked before they could reach the dim and lime-smelling lobby. Kyle kept at his steady pace. Trying to be calm proved to be difficult, but he had to act like he was fine. She was just so riled that he could feel her quivering just by holding her hand. The second they were alone inside the small elevator, Veronica shoved him away another time.

He watched her plod along the narrow hallway. She pushed the door of his hotel room open as soon as he'd turned the knob. Veronica went straight inside. Trailing behind, he took another steadying breath and silently prayed to the heavens she wouldn't be any louder.

He shut the door and locked it. Before he could make any step towards her, she threw her phone at him. He failed to catch it and watched it fall to the floor.  

"Were you stuck underground that it was just physically impossible for you to give me a call? Or text back?" Veronica swatted her damp bangs away from her cheek.

"Had to be somewhere. Calm down."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Chill out," he sighed. Kyle took a step closer. He kept up a rather placid expression to tell her she didn't need to be frenetic. "Just took care of something."

"Oh? And how'd that go?" Her hands now on her hips, Veronica continued to pant. The deep wrinkles on her shirt told him she'd been wearing it for a day or two. Her ponytail failed to truss some clumps of her hair, and she looked even more disconcerted.

He wasn't sure whether he knew the real reason. "Sorry I didn't call or—"

"You're sorry? We still got shit to do—  What, you tired? You wanna go home?"

"I took some time off; that's all," he grumbled, "And I'm not bailin' out. Calm the fuck down."

"Why? 'Cause it happened again? That it?"

"No," he answered in haste. They played the staring game. She won, which didn't cause any surprise. Pinching the flesh in between his brows, Kyle drew in another long breath.

"The guard said you left around four and looked drunk, and you just drove off," she went on. She'd stopped yelling, but her pale lips crumpled again. "You got us all worried."

"I'm sorry," he said loudly this time. His nerves were still making him keep a good distance away from her.

Veronica put her hands on her head and closed her eyes as if she felt dizzy all of a sudden, or something. A minute of dull silence hung in the air, and all he could do was sit on the bed and study her expression. 'Stressed out' would be downplaying it. "Do that again, I'll hit you," she warned. But she was grinning a bit. "I'm surprised I'm not doing just that right now." She shook her head and pulled a face. "You really know how to piss me off."

"Wasn't tryna—"

"No. You did that on purpose."

"I didn't," Kyle argued. He just couldn't think of something reasonable to say.

"Where's your phone?"

"Turned off. In the closet," he mumbled while eyeing the white closet.

"'Course." Veronica shook her head again. Another smile curved her lips. Their wet shirts, now a few shades darker, still clung to their torsos.

"Left you a note."

"Note, my ass." She lightly slapped his head to the side when he smirked. "Where'd you stay?"

"Motel. Two towns away."

"What?" Sitting beside him now, she chuckled and combed her bangs away from her face.

Relief lulled him the second he noticed she was actually in a better mood already. That quick. And all he had to do was bear and indulge her fact-finding chiding for a few minutes. Jot that down on his list of things he loved about her. "How worried?" he teased. He bit the inside of his cheek as he simpered at her.

"Like I'm-gonna-punch-you-in-the-face-when-you-get-back worried."

"You were sleeping when I left." He felt his eyebrows crease. "I was...at some bar past two."

"Oh." Veronica made a small gesture with her hand that told him she'd come to another conclusion.

"What?"

"Figures," she muttered. She grinned again. But she didn't look pleased one bit. "You met someone."

After letting out a derisive laugh, Kyle shook his head.

"You did, didn't you?"

He didn't answer, surprised and a little insulted that she'd think that about him after the other night. It wasn't like he'd expected it to happen again. They weren't drunk or anything. She was just in his room that time, both of them busy writing notes and looking over the lyrics of their new songs.

Next thing he knew, he was kissing her neck his arms snug around her waist. It didn't help that she said no when he'd asked her if she was okay with it — all it did was stir him up into a horny little twit. They'd shared a kiss or two.

It felt great; well, at least on his part. The fact that she didn't deny what happened gave him a much-needed ego boost. Otherwise he would've just locked himself up in the room and told her to stay away.

"Why would you think that?" he asked with tired and squinted eyes when he met her gaze again.

"What else am I supposed to think?"

"Gee, thanks." Kyle scowled. His tone should tell her he was more than annoyed now.

She surprised him when she moved closer and held his face. In seconds, she'd already made him a lot tenser by patting him on the back mockingly. "Well, you're a guy," she even muttered.

That hurt his ears. "What?" he snarled. Amid a strained laugh, he gently pushed her off of him and glared at her.

She let go of him. "All I'm saying: it's not—"

"You think I'd kiss you and end up in bed the next day with some girl? What do you take me for?"

"Couldn't find you anywhere. You were gone for two days." She turned to swipe a glance at the windows and then back to him, a little taken aback that he was agitated by her assumption.

"Needed to be by myself."

"Fine. Why?"

"You don't wanna know." Kyle stood up and headed for the bathroom.

Naturally, he went on contemplating things while he was in the shower. He felt so confounded and beat he just wanted to evaporate — be invisible like that guy last night. The guy was slouching in the worn-out couch in one corner of the bar, drinking himself to sleep, alone and had no one to bother him. But it wasn't because he was tiring of the job already, or that his bandmate was being a bother to him now. Lately, he just couldn't keep the other stuff at bay...whenever she'd be close and the shutters were up — in the literal and figurative sense. He wasn't exactly sure why.

Concentrating on work would keep his mind off of it. There'd been times when he would hear Veronica talking to her boyfriend (ex now) on the phone, smiling and laughing for hours. And Kyle would just get green-eyed in the corner.

Soon enough, he rationalized it was his mere dislike of the guy that caused his mood to wrick. There was a big chance Via would get back with Théo the moment the jerk would come to his senses and beg her to reconcile. And while Kyle sat alone in the car, summing things up in his mind outside that close to derelict budget motor inn, he did nothing but remind himself of the fact that he was risking everything by pursuing this 'relationship' thing with her. Yet he couldn't stop himself from acting out.

He was probably in the bathroom for a good half-hour. Kyle never heard the hotel room door open and get shut. When he got out, he found Veronica on the hotel bed. Her damp top and pants lay on the desk. With her back to him, she now wore a big gray shirt which he guessed was his. She'd been asleep for some time now. The covers were up to her shoulder blades, and he knew she wasn't trying to tease him or anything.

Knowing better and judging by the dark half-circles under her eyes, it was more likely that she hadn't had enough rest over the past few days. She was probably exhausted trying to find out where he'd gone off to. After all, they'd be playing another chock-full show with Dan two days from now. Then they'd be performing in a jam-packed arena for the rest of the weekend.

He got dressed and quietly paced around the bed to make sure she was still in dreamless slumber. He left her there, looked for his phone, and plugged it in. Even before he'd turned it on, he was already certain there was an incoming flood of texts.

Twelve new messages. Good thing it was on silent mode. Veronica had sent him eight texts: three short ones asking him where he'd gone, five long ones chewing him out and telling him to call back.

The thought that she was worried sick about him boosted his ego somehow. But that was just her. They'd always been that close. He knew her too well now. Sometimes he would even think they shared some kind of telepathic connection. Their friendship had matured to such a degree that even years of personal frustration on his part didn't seem to be enough reason for him to risk losing what they had.

Except for that night. He'd just felt so unimportant that he thought everyone else was just better off without him around. He hadn't talked to his family and friends for months now.

That wasn't anything new. To get used to it was the sensible thing to do, really. But Via hung around, and like always, her being there gave him some sort of comfort. Kyle couldn't think of a time wherein he got tired of having her around. Even her unamusing jokes always lightened up the mood somehow.

He just didn't know how to tell her that. It seemed like such a chore and such an odd thing to do. Any kind of weirdness or awkwardness between them was the last thing on his mind. Perhaps it was what she wanted as well. He just had to accept the fact that their relationship would never grow past  professional and friendly.

•

Veronica stared at the velvety box Kyle had in his hand as she felt her palms get a little sweaty. Save for an emerald ring he gave her on her 26th birthday, he'd never given her jewelry before.

He'd given her clothes; he'd given her a few of his vests — she had a thing for vests and coats — when she'd asked for them. He'd also given her his favorite jacket months ago, among other things. But, at the moment, it didn't feel odd that he had bought her something more considerable than a sports jacket.

Her curious gawk was replaced with a big grin when Kyle opened the box. Soon enough, the dainty gold necklace with a small diamond pendant caught her full attention. "What's that for?" she muttered with wrinkled brows.

"Forgot to give it to you."

"You weren't at the party."

Removing the necklace from the box, Kyle told her to pull her hair up. She did so and watched him clasp the jewelry around her neck. Her gaze stilled at their reflections in the huge mirror.

He had his hair cut shorter than usual. He wasn't smiling or anything. The look on his face told her he was still contrite for how things got out of hand days ago, and for what he said after that night. Looking back on that time, she could swear it was the biggest fight they'd ever had.

"Like it?" Kyle then asked. A smirk wrinkled his clean-shaven face.

"Are you kidding?" she retorted as she couldn't curb another smile. The necklace wasn't anything sophisticated or chintzy; it was simple, like their friendship. In fact, it looked perfect it almost startled her that he knew her so well already. She went on staring at their reflection, until he plunked himself next to her and murmured a short apology. Their faces were inches apart when she faced him, and she saw something in his eyes.

They looked so sincere...and pensive.

All in all, despite looking handsome in his blue-black plaid shirt and dark denims get-up, he seemed distressed. More distressed than that day she'd found out he and Harriet had broken up for good. She hugged him. She had wanted to do so the second she saw him behind the door, and she felt even more appreciated when he hugged her back. "Sorry, too."

Kyle held her tighter. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." She suppressed a frisson of sensation when his fingers brushed her nape. His firm embrace messed with the calm in her chest. Why was he being this sweet? Because of their last argument?

He let go of her but didn't leave her side.

"Not a fan of the style, but, it would do," she joked.

He had a comeback ready by the time their gazes steadied on each other. "That cost me my future children's college fund. I shut my eyes when the cashier showed me the price the second time."

"Fine." She leaned in to hug him. The throng of fans right outside were making her slightly nervous.  "There's loads of people outside. We're playing in twenty."

"Shoulda drove here earlier to practice," he retorted. Actually, they'd been playing live sets in big crowds for years now that he didn't think live shows still fazed her.

"Be still—  You're so clean-shaven today!"

Her comment made him laugh awkwardly. It was much better than catching him in a bad mood, though. Eventually Kyle stopped pulling away and let her kiss him.

She playfully pinched his face and kissed his cheek.

Blushing a little, Kyle sat still with his small grin drawing faint lines on his pale face. "Sorry. Didn't talk to you sooner," he muttered after a brief silence.

"All set?"

"It's five songs."

"Uh, no. More like ten." Veronica smirked. "Ed and the guys are off in a few minutes."

"I just read the setlists," he argued. "Fine."

Her eyes focused on his. The curious look on her face now contorted into a scowl. "So what's wrong with your phone?"

He shied away from her intent gaze; he was trying not to remember how upset and confused he felt that time when they were mopping up their worst argument to date. She'd kept on calling him and texting him until Tuesday. Even when he was already feeling pretty chilled out and focused days later, he kept ignoring her calls.

Her dark red lips curved into another frown before she murmured, "Really wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, well...I texted you back," he retorted, forcing a grin.

"Yeah; it was barely a sentence. Thanks a lot." Veronica rolled her eyes and got up. Her head and back stiffened while she retouched her mascara in front of the spotless mirror.

Kyle regarded her expression, sensing she wanted to keep up the conversation. "Let's talk after."

--

Naturally, he went on contemplating things while he was in the shower. He felt so confounded and beat he just wanted to evaporate — be invisible like that guy last night. The guy was slouching in the worn-out couch in one corner of the bar, drinking himself to sleep, alone and had no one to bother him. But it wasn't because he was tiring of the job already, or that his bandmate was being a bother to him now. Lately, he just couldn't keep the other stuff at bay...whenever she'd be close and the shutters were up — in the literal and figurative sense. He wasn't exactly sure why.

Concentrating on work would keep his mind off of it. There'd been times when he would hear Veronica talking to her boyfriend (ex now) on the phone, smiling and laughing for hours. And Kyle would just get green-eyed in the corner.

Soon enough, he rationalized it was his mere dislike of the guy that caused his mood to wrick. There was a big chance Via would get back with Théo the moment the jerk would come to his senses and beg her to reconcile. And while Kyle sat alone in the car, summing things up in his mind outside that close to derelict budget motor inn, he did nothing but remind himself of the fact that he was risking everything by pursuing this 'relationship' thing with her. Yet he couldn't stop himself from acting out.

He was probably in the bathroom for a good half-hour. Kyle never heard the hotel room door open and get shut. When he got out, he found Veronica on the hotel bed. Her damp top and pants lay on the desk. With her back to him, she now wore a big gray shirt which he guessed was his. She'd been asleep for some time now. The covers were up to her shoulder blades, and he knew she wasn't trying to tease him or anything.

Knowing better and judging by the dark half-circles under her eyes, it was more likely that she hadn't had enough rest over the past few days. She was probably exhausted trying to find out where he'd gone off to. After all, they'd be playing another chock-full show with Dan two days from now. Then they'd be performing in a jam-packed arena for the rest of the weekend.

He got dressed and quietly paced around the bed to make sure she was still in dreamless slumber. He left her there, looked for his phone, and plugged it in. Even before he'd turned it on, he was already certain there was an incoming flood of texts.

Twelve new messages. Good thing it was on silent mode. Veronica had sent him eight texts: three short ones asking him where he'd gone, five long ones chewing him out and telling him to call back.

The thought that she was worried sick about him boosted his ego somehow. But that was just her. They'd always been that close. He knew her too well now. Sometimes he would even think they shared some kind of telepathic connection. Their friendship had matured to such a degree that even years of personal frustration on his part didn't seem to be enough reason for him to risk losing what they had.

Except for that night. He'd just felt so unimportant that he thought everyone else was just better off without him around. He hadn't talked to his family and friends for months now.

That wasn't anything new. To get used to it was the sensible thing to do, really. But Via hung around, and like always, her being there gave him some sort of comfort. Kyle couldn't think of a time wherein he got tired of having her around. Even her unamusing jokes always lightened up the mood somehow.

He just didn't know how to tell her that. It seemed like such a chore and such an odd thing to do. Any kind of weirdness or awkwardness between them was the last thing on his mind. Perhaps it was what she wanted as well. He just had to accept the fact that their relationship would never grow past  professional and friendly.