chapter 4

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// Aspen, CO // // First leg of the band's US tour //

His skull felt like breaking open. Kyle hurled his beer can into the trash. He kicked the door to slam it shut, not caring if he'd wake the people in the next room. Another draining headache had been hammering his head since ten. All he had earlier was a few sips of beer, and even if he'd already taken two analgesics, his stupid migraine only seemed to have gotten worse.

Another highlight of his tiring day was when his phone got smashed. They were about to finish their set, and he'd forgotten that his phone was still in his pocket. The stage was pretty high, about five feet up.

It was only when they were clearing the stage when he'd noticed it was his phone on the damp ground, jumbled into the tangled wires. It had been raining all evening. The cellphone was soaking wet and almost covered with dirt when he'd picked it up. He had dried it off with his handkerchief, but it wouldn't switch on anymore.

With Dan, Jay, Ed and his bandmates, he'd driven back to the hotel before midnight. Their bands had been asked to play at least ten songs. Most of the guys got stewed and were now sleeping soundly in their own hotel rooms. He'd known Veronica had gone back to the lodge before eleven o'clock; she had texted Jay hours ago that she was sacking out early because of lack of sleep.

As if his night couldn't get any worse, he found her still wide awake on her hotel bed minutes ago, talking to Top Model on the phone. He was just going to check on her to see if she was already resting.

Their rooms were just opposite each other. He didn't bother knocking and just jerked the door open. Veronica had paid him a glance and only waved at him, looking too busy to make time for a quick chat.

Without a word, he shut the door. Kyle hurriedly marched back to his room, just so she wouldn't get a line that his mood just plummeted way down to the pits of vexation.

What was her problem? Did she really have to pretend like nothing happened and just get back with the guy? He knew that, to her, he didn't match up to the jerk. Still, she knew how important she was to him, how important their relationship was to him, and that he'd tried everything not to jeopardize it in any way.

Except for that night when he'd finally lost it.

So, what happened last week was just a thing of the past now? Was he that insipid? Did she think it didn't mean much to him?

More questions jumbled his thoughts. He wanted to pound his head on the wall until the drilling pain would finally go away. He had honestly thought she knew him better by now. At the moment, he wanted to smoke a few joints, although he'd long since quit the deed. He popped one more pill, took a shower, then brushed his teeth.

The next ten minutes were wasted in front of the misty mirror. Kyle stared at his reflection. Stubble dotted his jaw, and his almost black, damp hair hid most of his face. Kyle held a vacuous stare at his collarbone and leaner torso. He went still when he realized that the bunch of reddish and pale purple spots on his chest wasn't a bruise or an insect bite.

"Fuck." He slammed his hands on the edge of the sink. He'd been thinking of her all day.

The brainless thought of kissing her again kept boring into his obstinate mind...even though he'd argued to himself over and over that it wasn't anything based on reason. About to slug the mirror, he stormed out of the bathroom and hit the sack.

•••

Kyle got up when he felt something move beside him. He turned to his left, only to find someone on his bed. She was busy fumbling with a new phone; it had a metallic black cover, the screen long and wide. 

He had taken a nap because his migraine was killing him. He recalled waking up around seven in the evening, alone in his dark hotel room with his headache not as bad. The idea of a heavy dinner didn't excite him, so he'd gone back to sleep.

Now he leaned against the headboard, while Veronica went on ignoring him and kept texting on the phone he knew wasn't hers. On the bedside table was the box that had the picture of the phone.The orange-tinted lamplight helped him see more clearly.  

She was already dressed for bed? Why was she here in his room? 

But that didn't distract him enough. The idea that perhaps she'd intended on sleeping next to him tonight just made him want to go back into deep sleep. Tune everything out. "What're you doing?"

"Hungry? S'almost nine." Via squinted at him. Her smile was cheeky while she waved the gadget in her hand. She thrust it in front of him. "Got you a new phone," she announced in a singsong tone. "It's great; easy to use. Here." She handed him the thing, and Kyle tried to make the look on his face appear as less peeved as possible.

He took the phone and asked where she'd bought it.

"Mall. We needed to get some tools for the roadies."

He flipped the phone in his hand and appreciated its simple, clean design. "How much?"

"My gift. It's your birthday next month, old man."

Her reminder forced his brows to smooth back to their original places. Kyle tried not to smile. Then he paid close attention to the gadget in his hand, tapped on the screen, and was pleased with the operating system.

Unlike his old phone, it didn't take a second to respond to his series of taps. He set it on the nightstand to his right and tried to act cool, knowing that her eyes were still on him, and that she was only wearing a long, thin shirt over her shorts.

"You're welcome," Veronica said out loud when he chose to turn around instead of facing her.

"Thanks," Kyle responded in a flat tone, disturbed enough that she was in his room again. All he had on was a pair of boxer shorts. Logy and preferring not to meet her eyes, he placed the back of his palm on his forehead. His headache was making him feel warmer than normal.

"Feelin' better?"

"Yeah. Go to bed."

"Feel like tacos tonight? Let's go; drive-thru." Via grinned.

Kyle paused to think. It was two blocks away, and the food there was delicious. But he wanted to stay in and hole up in his room, merely because he wasn't in the mood to spend the rest of the night with her. His agitation hadn't passed off yet. He'd seen and heard her talking to her ex again last night, as though nothing was of the matter.

To her, what happened probably amounted to nothing but a silly few minutes of recklessness. But it was getting to him already, no matter how hard he'd tried every single day to push the thought to the back of his mind.

Veronica heaved a sigh. "Get dressed," she spurred on. He then heard her get off of the bed and jolt the closet door open. She grabbed something. In succession, one of his clothes got thrown in the air before the shirt landed onto his back.

Guessing he still wasn't up for it, she tromped around the bed to stand next to him and grabbed his forearms. She started to lug him off of the mattress. Only to get disappointed.

He scowled, too peeved to tell her he just wasn't in the mood to do anything. He hoped she would cut the act. The whole week, she'd been acting as if they hadn't fought again days before the festival. He'd been waiting for her to quit the pretense and listen to him, just so they could talk about things. However, he had a feeling that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"I'm tired," Kyle whined, breathing out a sigh at the same time.

"C'mon. They said you had lunch at three." She leaned over him, pushed the hair away from his face, and frowned when their eyes met. "Stop doin' that; your wrinkles might start paying rent." Her dainty fingers flattened his forehead while she chuckled at her own joke.

Even if he wanted to stay serious as a rock, her contagious smile and her attempt at humor made him grin.

"I'll drive." Veronica trod to the other side of the room to find his shoes. She threw them next to the bed. "You can have more pills after. Sound fair?"

Kyle opted to sit still, then took another glimpse of his new phone. He didn't tell her to get him one. They hadn't even spoken to each other the whole day.

A minute was wasted with Veronica just tugging him around. They eventually got to buy their late dinner at the drive-thru. Both of them plunked down in his hotel bed and ate, while watching an action-comedy flick which he guessed had started at nine.

•••

Kyle clasped the edge of the bed and glared at the plain, saffron wall, then at the window blinds that had been drawn all night. He glanced at Veronica, found her staring right back at him, her expression spelling out her uncertainty and surprise.

"What?"

"We've gotta stop doing this," he muttered, not caring if he might offend her in some way, or if he would sound like a jerk.

A gravelly noise preceded his reason. "It's not—" he broke off, just to stop himself from saying something he'd probably regret saying later. Not frowning was hard on his part, and the most rational response required a lot of thought.

Her lips intensified her scowl. "What? We were havin' fun just seconds ago. What's with you?"

He snorted at how she keyed out what they'd been up to. At the minute, Veronica stood next to the cherry-red bedside table, a foot away from him. Only the table lamp by the left side of the bed lit the whole room. And it didn't help that she was still in her shirt and underpants.

He'd nearly lost every shred of self-denial as they shared an embrace on the bed, with him already half-naked and very much taken up with what was happening again. It took seconds for him to regain full awareness that it was about to go further. With waning self-control, he'd gently pushed her off of him.

"Go to bed." Kyle sighed  to himself.

Now, her eyelids covered half of her irises, while her pale and skinny arms interlaced below her chest.

He put his shirt back on and purposely let out another exasperated sigh. "Get some sleep."

"Why're you acting like a prick?"

•••

Kyle pretended to not have heard anything and bent towards the nightstand. His fist thudded onto it when he grabbed his new phone. He set the alarm clock at 5:30 a.m. and decided to leave the lamp on, just so his scowling bandmate could walk out of the room without tripping over something on the floor. "Rest up; we're leavin' early," he mumbled.

"We're still talking." Veronica continued to look him in the eye, barefoot and stiff against the shadowed wall.

He threw another glance at her and knuckled his warm forehead. He hadn't had an ounce of alcohol today, but he was now having a hard time keeping his thoughts in order.

A strained silence filled the darkened room as they exchanged heated stares. "What?" was all she said next. The word came out in a huff. Unlike him, she clearly didn't think it was in her best interest if she just left the room. "Why're you— You ignored me the whole day, locked yourself in like—" Veronica wrinkled her forehead and let her posture droop. "What, you sick of me bein' around or somethin'?"

"No. Would you just—" Before he could finish his reply, he felt the need to take a deep breath, so he took a long, reassuring one. "Sleep. We're leaving early. We got work tomorrow."

"We're still talking."

He returned her glare. And he felt more worn out after accepting the fact that she wasn't going anywhere until she got a straight answer out of him.

It was all he needed to do; he knew well she wouldn't like it if he just brushed the whole thing off. The thought of her feeling unimportant didn't sit well with him, either.

His heels touched the cold granite floor, and Kyle sat on the edge of the bed and kept up the breathing exercise. He mustered up his composure and control to draw up a modest response. "You're still with him," he said after looking away.

The nonplussed look on her pale face was followed by a scoff. "This has nothing to do with him." Her hands were now on her hips, and Veronica resumed giving him her death glare.

Well, that just sounded off-key, was what he thought of snarling in  reply. He raised his eyebrows and bit down on his lower lip. "Really? You just said days ago that it's just 'cause you wanted to 'test things' between you two. Which is it? I'm kinda getting mixed signals here," he retorted in the most disdainful tone possible.

"Fine; be a jerk," she muttered, shaking her head in rejection of his reply.

"Why keep calling him, then?"

"He's the one who keeps calling. I can't tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing—  You know  how he is." This time, she was the one trying deep, calming beaths.  She even swore in French. "Why would I lie?"

He looked away and kept another harsh retort to himself. Distractedly, he yanked the heavy, scrunched covers to spread them out on the bed.

"Kyle."

A soundless minute stretched. "You're saying this isn't just 'cause you're depressed after you broke up and..." was his muttered reply later on. He didn't bother finishing the last phrase.

"What? You think I—" Veronica snorted and tried a smile.

He pulled a face. "I know you two still talk."  He gave her another fleeting look.

"You're kidding." She sat beside him now. Veronica held his face so that they were eye-to-eye again. Her breath felt warm on his skin. "I wanna slug you sometimes—and more often whenever you're being a know-it-all—but cut me some slack. You're like, my only guy best friend," she said with a sincere smile.

"And one you can play with?"

She just gawked at him. He didn't mean for it to be a joke, but, now she looked amused with his comeback. "Your words, not mine."

"Quit it." He eyed her. What else should he say? To let her know he was eager to hear confess to something more significant?

Her small smile faded as she matched his stare. "I'm not lying."

"Yeah, 'cause he just wants to chat and catch up every time he calls." Kyle scoffed as he massaged his strained nape.

"We've talked about it..." Veronica sighed, frowning and looking pensive now. "Dammit—he's just stubborn, y'know." She squinted at her hands on her lap as hesitation weakened her voice. "I really don't think I could see him anytime soon." Her brows furrowed more after her mumbling. "It's just not gonna be good."

Anytime soon? So all he was now was a momentary patch to her mending broken heart? Was she joking?  "Anytime soon? What— This some kind of game to you?"

Veronica grunted and quit touching him. There was a quick thump when she dropped her back on the covers. "Not what I meant," she muttered afterward.

"What is it, then?" He shifted to his right and found her blankly staring up at the ceiling.

Then she shut her eyes, as if it would help her think. "Don't act like you're so disgusted."

"I didn't say that," Kyle sighed.

"Then stop blabbing stupid questions." It was all she said before she got up and left the room, leaving him  speechless like an idiot.

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