chapter 5

It had been a while. Studio and the band's other duties had kept her too busy to call home. And now Veronica couldn't think of anything but a much-needed heart-to-heart with her mom. 

Right now, Dr. Michel was either deep in sleep, or waist-deep in another emergency surgery at the clinic, but Veronica hoped her mom was free to talk. She needed reinforcement. Badly.

The dull rings went on while she waited for her mother to pick up. It was late. Maybe her mom had already gone to bed. Veronica wished for the opposite. 

She was about to give up when the monotonous ringing suddenly stopped.

Her mother's groggy voice came over the line afterwards. "Via?"

"Mommy, you busy?"

"No, hon. Just...fell asleep early."

"I'm sorry. Woke you up." Veronica wiped her eyes dry of tears and tried to make her voice sound normal. 

"What's wrong?" her mother asked after a brief silence.

"Nothing. Just..." Her nerves about spilling the beans made Veronica swiftly sit up on the hotel bed, hoping for anything but a berating late-night discussion with her mother. "You think I could..."

"What?" Her mother yawned on the other line.

"Sorry, Mommy."  Veronica slapped her forehead in frustration. "You told me to be careful and not..." Her voice wavered in uncertainty. "I skipped a few days."

"What?"

"I was with him," she said after apologizing briefly. Her messed up head felt drunk with thoughts of her ex — again — and the fact that her cycle just got screwed up. For some inconvenient reason, her thoughts kept going back to that last night she spent with Théo. 

It was...pretty eventful. They fought and kept arguing for hours, and before she left the hotel without him, they ended up having sex.  Twice.  Unprotected. 

Ugh! She just felt so stupid.

"When? Veronica, be honest."

"Almost a month ago." Veronica winced at her mother's almost snappy tone.  Having been raised in a conservative family, her  parents weren't fond of Théo, especially after her mother knew he wasn't the kind of guy who waited before marriage. Far from it, actually. So undeniably far.

"Via, don't be reckless," her mother sighed, the disappointment in her voice making Veronica hate herself a little more.  "You mean,  before you broke up?"

Before  and after, she should say. If only she could make herself stop saying useless white lies.  "Sorry, Mommy."  

"Honey...you knew he wasn't going to stay." Dr. Michel sighed in disappointment, prolonging an awkward silence. "Why'd you let it happen?"

"I don't know." Veronica wiped the warm tears off her cheeks and trembling lips.

"Did you take the test?"

"I don't want to."

Her mother sighed over the phone again, static filling the other end. "Wanna come home? I'm free for a few days."

"Just a few days?" Veronica sniveled. She felt like the biggest pile of shit right now. But she still had work to do; she couldn't just jump in her car and drive to Philly for a weekend. Their studio work schedule was brutal enough. "Ugh. I can't. Work's crazy and...the bosses need us to get it done on time."

"Okay. Call me tomorrow after work. Okay?"

"I'll try." Sighing, she rubbed her eyes dry and grunted at her helplessness. She knew her mother already had a lot on her plate at the moment — what with the clinic's renovation and all. "Sorry."

"Just stop communicating with him," her mother advised in a not so gentle tone. "He's just not for you. Kept telling you why it's just not gonna work out, but you didn't listen."

Veronica couldn't say anything and almost choked on another sob. Her mother probably thought her only daughter was just so stupid and hardheaded.

"Call me tomorrow. Okay?" Silence. "Via?"

"Yeah," was all she could utter in between her ragged breaths.  Veronica grabbed a pillow and hugged it to herself. "Sorry, Mommy."

"Get some sleep. It's late."

"Love you."

"Love you, too. Just rest up, honey."

•••

After a long and honest talk with her mother over the phone, Veronica breathed out a long sigh and recited a prayer in her head, grateful for the peace of mind she felt after the phone call. Her suspicions were nothing but suspicions, thankfully, and she couldn't be any more relieved when she confirmed it after a quick test.

It was Kyle who drove her to the pharmacy. They tried to act like nothing happened. He even paid for the two boxes of pregnancy test kits at the counter, only because she was battling an anxiety attack and actually forgot her wallet. Kyle stayed calm and understanding the whole time. He probably felt she needed some company and emotional comfort.

All morning, her anxiety just wouldn't go away. She could've gotten pregnant, and the father of her first child didn't even suspect a thing.  The guy was too far away and didn't even text her back the last time she asked how he was. Expectedly, he was too busy with his own life. But she still hoped he no longer hated her as much.

In her defense, she had known about him still seeing his ex before she could finish planning their first anniversary. And that time, Veronica believed him when he told her their mess of a long-distance relationship mattered more to him.

In a way, it was her fault as well. Advice from family and friends had already taken root in her head right from the get-go, warning her that getting emotionally involved with someone like him wasn't smart, and just a brash thing to do at this point in her life.

After all, he was younger, had dated a list of seriously beautiful women (younger women), and worked with a lot of fell-out-of-a-magazine hot models on a day-to-day basis. Veronica knew the consequences.  For someone as attractive and likeable as him, it was pretty impossible for him not to have a line of girls all the time, just waiting for him to pick them out.

Throughout the two years, she had tried to be as understanding as possible. She went on with it. She even convinced herself that it didn't bother her much.

Théo apologized for still seeing Aly, his on-and-off girlfriend then. After they had a serious talk about it, he finally called it quits with the younger high fashion aspirant. Théo had confessed everything and promised her it wouldn't happen again. Veronica knew she had no right to demand such degree of commitment from him, but back then, she felt like she just couldn't trust him anymore.

For months, she'd told herself again and again that it wasn't that big a deal, considering the kind of relationship they had.

It was probably one of the reasons why Théo thought of proposing to her;  he must've believed she was one to play martyr through and through. Although the proposal was ludicrously untimely, she still thought the gesture was sweet. But not enough to make her forget that he broke her trust entirely and trampled her high hopes for their relationship big time. It seemed he didn't understand how she was already too in love with him at that point.

It was why she'd said no to his proposal. She couldn't lie to him and lead him on. It would hurt more;  it would hurt both of them more.

Then Kyle started acting out. Depressed. Anxious she wanted to quit the band. It made her realize Théo wasn't the only guy on Earth, but also made her aware of the fact that, all these years, in all the things she'd been through, all the hardships and all the setbacks,  Kyle was always there.

He was always there for her.  He could be a frustrating jerk sometimes, but he was someone to talk to. Besides being a great friend, he also kept the band going despite plenty of limitations throughout their career.

He was just someone who cared. Kyle had never been big on self-expression on that, but, he was someone who would be important to her no matter what.

Clearly he'd never meant to cross that line with her since their friendship was at stake. But it happened.  She shouldn't blame him;  he was just having a hard time dealing with his own issues. As a friend, she should have been less self-centered and more attentive to his needs.  But the job and Théo always took up her time and thoughts.

•••

Alone in her room again, Veronica stared at the letters on the bright screen while the incessant knocks continued.

"V,  you still up?" Kyle's voice barely passed through the door.

Keeping quiet, Veronica pretended to be asleep and skimmed through her messages. Jamie and Breanna were texting back simultaneously as if they weren't in the middle of a big fête. Breanna's parents' anniversary party was still in full swing. Knowing a little more about her Parisian family now, Veronica supposed it would be a few more hours before the get-together ended.

"Tell me he's doing ok?"  Veronica texted back, her careworn mind thinking of Théo again. She hoped Jamie had news for her.

Sounding concerned, Kyle kept on knocking, until she heard him open his door and shut it. She no longer had the energy to talk to him this late.  Her phone felt warmer in her palm; she hadn't turned on the air conditioner. She was missing someone's hug.

Oh geez. Not again. "You've gotta stop this nonsense," her common sense scolded. Watching Jamie type a reply, Veronica fidgeted in her seat, trying to settle into a more comfortable position. Her back felt like a bag of bricks just landed on it.

"We'll be there 3rd week," Veronica replied to her cousin when Breanna asked if the band would be touring Europe again.

"Great! Can't wait! I miss hanging out with Kyle ;) " Bre texted back, seeming ecstatic and still unashamed of her longtime crush on Kyle.

"Bf thinks he's dating a friend of Vinci's. Brit chick,"  Jamie texted back. For Jamie who still lived in Paris like Théo, tattling on their friends was as easy as breathing.

"Well, he's single," Veronica typed in before tapping on 'Send'. The news shouldn't be a surprise, right? Veronica took a second to mull over her relationship with Théo at present. They stayed friends, and she appreciated the reality.

The last time they got to talk on the phone, Théo tried to patch things up with her. It was merely days after she'd last seen him. Thankfully, he understood when she told him her reasons for not wanting to try again. Théo only said 'Okay' when she admitted that she needed time alone.

To her confusion, he called her up again a week after that. He might've supposed something happened between her and Kyle. But Théo didn't hint at anything. Not even once. He just pretended nothing was of the matter whenever he would call her up.

Breanna's new text drew her senses back to her darkened hotel room. Bre didn't want to believe she and Théo had broken up for good. "Really bad breakup this time? :("

"Yes. He needs time to rethink his priorities, too," Veronica replied. Their relationship was just too strained already. But she knew Théo still cared for her, and vice versa. Even after she told him it was highly unlikely their relationship could be restored to how it was two years ago.

"Visiting for Christmas or New Year?" Breanna asked through another text, hoping she would visit their family in France for the holidays.

"Sorry. Show dates too tight," Veronica replied.  Taking time off wouldn't help her bank account grow.  She needed to work harder this year to be able to afford that apartment in Middletown she'd been planning to purchase next year.

"Je ne comprends pas, chérie...si ça ne dérange pas de te demander..."  Breanna replied. "V, ça va?"

"Course not, only been a month."

"He's still bats about u," Bre replied in mere seconds. In spite of the breakup, Bre still seemed to root for her long-distance relationship with Théo.

"We just need time apart." Veronica tapped 'Send' and sighed.

"Sorry, love."

"I'm ok, it's just as well." Realizing she was faking a smile, Veronica tossed her phone onto the covers. Then she read Jamie's reply, not surprised of Jamie's disappointment because they wouldn't get to hang out soon. Veronica replied that she'd try to find as much time as possible after she, Kyle , and the gang got to Lyons. It would be their second stop during the Europe tour.

"Talk soon. Enjoy the party. Kisses,"  Veronica sent the message to both gals. Veronica dropped her head on the pillow and rubbed her eyes, glad that she was already lethargic this early.

She turned off the lights and trod the way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She washed her face and swiftly finished her nightly moisturizing routine. Much to her satisfaction, her pores had gotten noticeably smaller, and her face had stopped having breakouts. She was handling the stress better, it seemed.

Her hands pressed on either edge of the small washbasin as she stared back at her reflection, badly hoping things would start looking up soon. Preferably, tomorrow-soon.

══════════

// New York, NY //

They would be wasting another half-hour in traffic. As expected. Veronica flung a glance to her bandmate. They reclined in the backseat; Kyle sat to her left, scowling. She wasn't the only one already getting bored to tears, it seemed.

It would probably take them another hour to get to the studio. Jay and the others had hopped on an earlier flight and were already waiting at the lodge. The hotel was right next to the studio lot, so she figured she could sleep in the rest of the day and just show up early tomorrow. 

But something told her Mr. Frowny Face, now slouching beside her, was very much still in the mood to chat.

"Wasn't the shocker of the century. He even told me he sort of...knew it'd happen."

"Why would he say that?" Kyle scowled at her more.

Veronica crossed her forearms on her lap, already getting uncomfortable in her seat. Blaring car horns around them kept the avenue lively and her from getting drowsy. She forced her chapped lips to grin after the question, as she noticed Kyle wasn't particularly in the mood to talk discreetly or even just a tad quieter. The 50-ish cab driver didn't know who they were.  But she felt skittish of having the discussion with her obviously curious friend.

"He knows we spend a lotta time together, 'cause of work...and that we've been like this for years."

"Exactly the point," she mumbled and gave him another side-glance. "One time, we argued about it for hours."

His scowl reappeared at the same time his hand made a small and somewhat dismissive gesture. Kyle heaved a sigh, as her reply made him regain his initial and utmost dislike of the guy. "Why stay with him if he didn't trust you?"

"Thanks for the reformative reminder."

Kyle grimaced at her sarcasm, now looking bored out of his wits. His migraine must be getting worse. The heat was also getting worse. He already took his jacket off once they got inside the cab.

They'd just hopped off an 11 a.m. flight.  Dan wouldn't be in town until next week to do the drum parts for their new songs, so she and Kyle would be working together all week.

"Bet you thought it was sweet," Kyle muttered under his breath.

She lightly pulled her ponytail. "I did. If anything, his sodding jealousy and distrust somehow restored my waning self-esteem," she replied with dripping sarcasm. Then she snickered at his slightly peeved expression.

She glanced at him again and saw that he still had his shades on. She always thought they gave him a mysteriously charismatic look. He was good at playing the mystery card if he wanted to.

They reached the hotel lobby an hour later.

"Do I look okay in these jeans?"

"Are we having another discussion about this?" Kyle sighed after watching her fuss over her skintight pants for the radio guesting later.

"Just asking if my hips look bigger in these."

"I'm not gonna say this again 'cause it's irrelevant. I liked how you looked when we first met. But I'm not saying I detested how you looked when you were a hundred pounds."

"115," she corrected. "But thanks for your effort to deliberately imply I gained weight again by trying to reverse psychology my  jet lagged brain."

"Alright, then. End of discussion."

It took him a minute to help her get settled in her room first before retiring to his. Just as he clutched the doorknob, she asked him if his headache had taken a breather. Kyle only shook his head. "Wanna grab snacks before the interview?" she asked, quite hopeful.

"G'ahead." He pocketed his sunglasses. "Gotta call Jay, then Ken. Need to ask him about the scheduling next month. I'll work on the chorus later."

"'Kay." She smiled faintly, even though she felt ignored because of his busy to-do list.

"Just don't take his calls," Kyle suddenly advised with a straight face. "Rest up. Get better."

═══════════

At last. One good news after a hellish week. Uttering a short prayer of thanks,  Veronica smiled and got up from her chair, where she'd been loafing on for the past hour. Real estate talk took up all of her free time this morning. George, the realtor she'd been in contact with recently, had just shared a heap of great news.

First: Cynthia (the owner of the five-unit apartment complex and a high school friend) agreed to her proposal of purchasing the topmost and biggest unit sometime in 2014. She'd contacted Cynthia last week and they came to an official agreement. The contract would be ready in the next few months, and she was just ecstatic.

Second: the realtor had just confirmed the exact price; it was a couple of thousand bucks less than she'd expected. Again, thanks to Cynthia.

Third:  Cynthia was considering giving her a five-year installment plan as another payment option in their contract. She might've giggled after hearing that. Also, their manager sent a text telling her their album sales (from the band's previous four records) got a boost.

For years now, she'd been saving up. Pursuing a full-time music career had its ups and downs, but it did quite set her up financially. A brand new car was also on her list. But with the continuing drop of real estate costs, buying her first property seemed an opportune decision.

In just a few months, the deal would be all set for her to sign. She'd been wanting to get her own place for some time now. The idea of getting her own place in New York got seared into her brain.

After she got to take look at the apartment for the first time,  she just fell in love with the place. The location of the complex was very accessible. Great neighborhood. Not swarming with buildings but not too remote from commercial establishments, either. It was also near their favorite recording studio, which was more than good news. The ample parking spaces, the privacy, security, and the modern design of the complex were great bonuses.

Thankful for how everything was turning out, Veronica got up and got dressed for a run. It was a sunny afternoon and it was Saturday, a good day for a jog in the park. She, Kyle , and Dan were taking a break from their sunrise-till-sundown working schedule.

Ting! Ting!

New message. Must be Jamie. Veronica snapped up her phone. Indeed, it was her gossipmonger best friend...dishing new dirt on her ex straight from Paris. 

"Confirmed! Texted Tomek. Theo booked 3 shows and in Barcelona now" Jamie's text read.

Okay. Not big news. He probably got more high-paying job offers in Spain this year, Veronica mused.  She didn't need to hear from him about it. She was 1000% sure Théo would be meeting up with his beloved model ex-girlfriend there.

No. She wasn't going to ask him;  it was no longer her business to know. Instead she should just be happy for his recent accomplishments.  His career really took off. Good for him.

A content smile inched onto her face as she started tying her shoelaces. No time for nostalgic reveries. She was getting her own house. Finally.

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