This doesn't feel real, twice now escaping death, don't understand why the second time, rushed back to surgery, if it happens again, does that mean Death will win the next round?qI no longer have a sense of time, I know I crashed on a Sunday and 12 hours after my first emergency surgery seemed stable, but how long since the second one?My reality feels askew, could be 3 hours since my last surgery that could have lasted 3 or more hours itself, I am in and out of memories, multiple dreams, and yes sexual fantasies more then likely brought on by the awareness of being touched in reality, yet the inability to fully awaken.There is pain relief in this dreamscape, I totally contemplated it is the meds.This feels like torture, this drifting in and out like a car drafting the one in front, trying hard to take the lead. I wonder if the other driver is ok, did they get hurt this badly too? What did go wrong?My thoughts end up shifting towards my Mom these past two years since she passed aw
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