chapter 65

"This is your baby's heartbeat."

From the monitor screen connected to the transducer on my stomach, I could see that my baby was still tiny. Maybe I can say it looks like a lump of meat. Over there is the source of my baby's heartbeat. This miracle had not happened in last month's examination.

"Your baby's heart rate is normal." Doctor Luke said.

"Really? How do you know?"

In a reclining position, I glanced at Sean. At first, he refused to take me to the hospital, but he suddenly agreed, and now asked questions as if he cared. Sean folded his arms, and his expression looked worried too. Why is Sean worried?

"The frequency is stable, 145. You can listen carefully too." Doctor Luke looked at both of us.

"What about the uterus?"

"The uterus is fine, Mr Ackles. No tumors, myomas, or cysts. All the results are excellent."

I let out a sigh of relief. Doctor Luke reminded me to take care of my food and drink more mineral water. When Doctor Luke told me about taboo things during my early pregnancy, Sean distracted me. The handsome face stares at the monitor screen, which displays graphics and loud sounds. My baby's heartbeat sounded like a horse's footsteps. This is touching.

"Your husband's younger brother seems more worried than your husband." Doctor Luke is joking. In the next second, Sean rubbed roughly his watery eyes.

"I'll be waiting outside," Sean said.

I let Doctor Luke keep talking, while I stole glances at Sean who was walking down. His broad back was always stout and arrogant in all situations, but today was an exception. What's wrong with him?

---

I don't think the same situation happened again. I mean, Sean and I were in the car after we finished seeing the doctor at the hospital. Anne was still with us until she stopped at the train station to attend her friend's funeral. The radio played Shania Twain's old song, which was lucky to make the atmosphere less awkward.

"Thank you. Sorry for bothering you."

Sean had given the time that should have been used to find his engagement ring with Jessie. He ignored my words and said instead, "Anne asked for your ultrasound photo. Leave it with me."

Why didn't Anne talk to me earlier?

"How about next month?" I made an offer. "I only printed one photo. Harvey plans to post all of my ultrasound photos in his journal."

"Just a plan, while Anne already has a photo album for your child." The sarcasm made me put my ultrasound photo on the backseat, letting Sean win. Anne must be curious to see her grandchild. Yes, it doesn't matter.

"Where are we going? This is not the way to my house." I ask, aware of the surrounding way.

"Accompany me to a place." Said Sean after he stopped the car in the shopping area. Wait, a jewellery shop? I laughed sadly inside. I didn't even like their engagement plan, and I'm sure Sean knows that fact.

I got out of the car feeling angry. Even afterwards I ran, just keeping the possibility that Sean wouldn't see me cry. He will make fun of me, because he has forgotten me while I have not. I can't let him go yet.

"Stop, Angel!" Sean said as he held my hand. My clenched fists loosened at the touch. I miss everything about him. "Why are you running like a fool?! Don't you think about your baby?! You could fall, and your baby-"

"What? Miscarriage? Is that what you hoped for?" I spoke harshly, which shocked Sean's face. "And you know what, stop saying your baby, your baby, your baby! It makes me sick! You know this baby could be yours too."

I pushed Sean hard. I feel bad for saying that, but that's what I've been hiding so far. Luckily the road is quiet, so a few people only witnessed our argument.

"This is what you want, right? I stay away from you?" Sean gritted his teeth, making a piercing sound. His body is getting closer to me, and my defence is shamelessly out of control.

"Yes..."

"I did it right."

I grumbled at his sentence. He didn't even understand what he was doing. He was just trapped by the situation. How can Jessie be my replacement? Engagement is the beginning to marriage and they are all sacred things. Sean must have got it all wrong!

"Why do you have to be with Jessie? Do you like her?"

"What is your problem?" Sean pulled me to a corner that separated shops from one another. Narrow alley and minimal sunlight.

My eyes widen as he brings our lips together. My back against the wall didn't help much. I let him do whatever he wants. We played with our tongues and tasted each other's saliva. Oh, I miss this sensation.

As soon as I was about to bring my fingers in his hair, he first locked my hands above my head. "You'll stay with Harvey," he said without stopping his aggressive kiss.

Sean's face teased my neck and rewarded me with a sensual kiss. I shook my head. If only Sean hadn't kissed my lips again, maybe I would have screamed because I couldn't contain this sensation.

In contrast to Sean's lips moving roughly, he treated my stomach gently. He rubbed it carefully, afraid of hurting us. "I feel it, our baby's heartbeats. Does that baby like me?"

I was getting weaker and confused about what to do. "Sean ..."

"But you've decided." Sean smiled as he picked up his phone. Jessie's name came up, and I knew that my relationship with Sean was hopeless. We are over. "I'm here. Yes, let's meet inside."

Sean leaving us.

---

After Sean dumped us for Jessie and his engagement, I literally cried on the way home. I can't stop. I feel like I want to curse myself. Why am I not willing Sean to be with other women when I'm the one who ended our relationship? Why can I be so selfish?

It was evening, and Harvey would probably be home. I asked the taxi driver to take me to the park is still near the house. There was no way I would appear in front of Harvey in this mess, at least I had to stop crying. Arriving at the park, I sat in a chair and took out my phone. For no reason, I wanted to call Sean. Could it be that he is still busy choosing his engagement ring? Oh, no! Don't go that far! Don't I look miserable?

A tissue appears right in front of me. I was silent for a moment. The owner of the tissue is none other than someone covered in a clown costume. The clown face is wearing a mask with a round nose. I chuckled as the clown danced while rubbing the big belly, probably the same as 2 basketball.

"Take this tissue from the handsome clown. I'm not a wicked man." The clown wrote on the small blackboard he was carrying.

"Thank you," I said, then I took the tissue.

"Why are you crying?"

"It is okay." I answered again after he returned to write on the same blackboard. Where did he get it from? His big hips moved strangely. I'm really entertained.

"Come on, I insisted."

"Okay." I covered my mouth, trying to stop laughing. There is nothing wrong for me to tell about my problems, maybe it will reduce my burden. "It will be our secret, promise me?"

The clown nodded while writing. "Yes, I promise."

"I already have a husband and this is the 3rd year of our marriage. Those were the best years of my life."

"Is your husband handsome?"

"Sure. He's also an understanding person."

"Then what's your problem?" He sits beside me and is about to run away to write again, but I speak first.

"Another man came, and I broke my loyalty to my husband," I said. "At first, I was sure that I would never cheat on him. He is the love of my life. In fact, I broke our marriage vows. I've had an affair with that man."

The clown didn't react at all.

"If you ask whether I feel guilty, then I will answer yes, I feel guilty. I have disappointed my husband. But what I regret the most is that I find it difficult to stop this feeling. I'm not just having an affair. I have fallen in love with my husband's younger brother. I love him."

I wiped my tears as I looked at him. If he doesn't wear a mask, I will know the expression of this stranger. The biggest possibility is that his face is looking at me in disgust.

"Next week he's getting engaged. He has found the woman he loves, and it's not me." I touched my stomach while closing my eyes. "If I could wish, I want this baby is not his. At least that way I could let it go."

The clown still didn't answer. He also did not ask questions or write harsh words in response. He led me to cry on his shoulder. The same thing Harvey used to do whenever I was feeling down.

My phone rings, I spontaneously get up. Anne? I hurriedly walked away, then realized I had not yet thanked the clown. But it turns out that the clown has walked in the opposite direction from me. I could only see the back of the clown, at the same time I saw how the clown opened his face mask. The silhouette reminds me of someone.

Who is he? Why does he look familiar?