chapter 15

"So, can I ask you a very personal question and you don't have to answer."  Jessica asks me.

I nod and she continues.  "What has made your father so angry?"

"My mother and me," I smile vaguely.  "Pa was pissed when Frankie, Will and I were born."

Jackson and Jessica glance at each other questionably and then at me.  "Biology set aside, Pa believes that Mom deliberately made me a girl and not another boy."  I smiley at them.  "It didn't matter what I did, if I did as I was told and how I was told to do it, or if breathed to loudly, I came out pretty much looking like this or worse."  I point to my hair and face.

"Wasn't there police reports and CPS involved?"  Jackson is so unaware of how things work but I like that he asks questions.

"Police reports and CPS only work if the people that they are about or questioning are not afraid to help."  I grin at him not because I'm happy but because if I don't I'll cry.  "I got really good at lying as to what happened and how I hurt myself.  And let's face it; if the person or person who needs help and acts like there's nothing going on, there really isn't anything anyone else can do about it even though you want it you're afraid to ask for retaliation from the person who's hurting you...”

By nine-thirty, Jason walks me across the street.  As we walk I have a smoke.  "Why does someone as pretty as you do something so ugly?"  When I glance at him he says quickly, "I'm not trying to judge."

"I do this because it helps take my mind off the pain in my life."  He nods as if he understands.  

"Thanks for coming over for dinner tonight," he says as he fidgets back and forth between his feet.  "Um, I was wondering if I can see you again and perhaps give you a kiss good night."

He glances at me nervously.  I try to give him a bright, happy smile.  "Sure you can....on both."

He smiles happily as he bends his head down to kiss me very gently.  "Good night, Marra," he whispers as he turns to leave.

"Hey, Jason!"  He stops and turns back around.  "Thanks for everything.  Good night."  He grins as he leaves and I head inside.  

"So, how was it?" Shel asks with a wicked grin as I come into the living room where she's at with her parents.

I smile at them.  "It was interesting to say the least."

"Did he kiss you good night?" Dom asks with a smirk,

I give him a funny look.  "Yes, why?"

Dom shrugs with a "Just curious, that's all."

We sit and talk for another hour before Shelbie and I head to bed.  The next day is Friday, I'm happy it's Friday, it's the first one I've ever looked forward to in my life.  But I'm also sad because tomorrow is Mom's memorial service.  I drive to school as Shelbie drives herself since I'm going to work after school.  As I park I stay in my car staring off into space.  Why in the hell am I here at school?  I should have stayed home like suggested.

There's a light tap on my window and I jump.  It's Frankie and Will at my window.  I smile and open my door as I grab my school bag.  "Hey," I say to them as I shut the door.  

"Hey," they say in unison.  I give Frankie and Will a hug before we head inside.  The school day drags on forever.  I just want to get work over with and sleep through tomorrow. 

"Want to stop by tonight after work?" Will asks hopefully.  

Smiling, I nod at him as we sit in our fourth class, English.  "Sure my shift ends at seven-thirty and I'll be there shortly after that."  They nod as class starts.

During sixth period Art class, over the intercom comes a female voice.  "Mr. Ashton, this is Ms. Walburn.  Mr. Holland would like Miss Wheaton to report to the Office, please."  Mr. Holland is our principal.  What the hell did I do?

Mr. Ashton looks at me, with a motion oh his head for me to leave as I grab my bag and my sketch pad and pencils.  As I enter the Office, I find Jason, Frankie, Shelbie and Will sitting in chairs.  We all glance at each other just as confused as to why in the hell we're all here.

I sit between Jason and Will and as I open my mouth to ask what the hell is going on, Mr. Holland comes out of his office.  "Why don't all five of you come into my office?" he motions for us to come in.  

We get up and file into his office and sit down as does he in his chair behind the desk.  We all look nervous but Mr. Holland.  "So, um, what did we do wrong?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Mr. Holland glances at me and then the others in surprise.  "Oh, Miss Wheaton, you and your brothers, Miss Walters and Mr. Austin are not in trouble."  He folds his hands over each other on top of the desk and leans forward.  "I called the four of you down here to inform you the police have asked for records from all the reports that we have of the abuse the three of you have had since being in school because of your father."

I glance at my brothers and then back to Mr. Holland as he continues.  "I also wanted to let you know that they said that when it comes to your father's trial, teachers, some of the students and the other staff will be suspended to testify against your father.  And that is where Mr. Ashton and Miss Walters come in because they are a few of the students who will be subpoenaed to court."

He takes a deep breath and continues.  "I believe that Miss Wheaton and both Mr. Wheaton's and Miss Walters also should talk to the school councilors for all that have happened over the years." 

He glances at the four of us.  "Mr. Austin, I believe you should as well, I've found in your records you had a similar horrifying upbringing.  So, will you five talk to them?"

We eventually agree.  "Now, you guys may head to seventh hour.  I'll set up meetings with the counselors for you guys.  Thank you for coming in."

We smile wanly at him as we leave for class.  Well, at least we all have the last two classes together.  Once classes are over my brothers, Jason and I head to work.  My work shift consists of packing orders that need to be boxed, labeled and sorted. Four hours of this, it gives you plenty of time to over think things.  

My life still sucks but hopefully once Pa has his day in court my life can perhaps take a turn for the better.  Don't get me wrong, yes, I know I have things in my life that are good, like my brothers, Shel and her parents, and Jason and a few other friends.  But having a father who is a very abusive drunk that used to beat you because of your gender and kill you mother because he didn't like that she gave birth to a daughter, who would say I've ever had a happy life up to now?  I envy those who seem to have the perfect life, parents that love them for who they are; yes they might get in trouble on occasion for doing something wrong, but not beaten and broken by those parents who are supposed to love you.  I just want to forget all this ugliness and move on to a brighter and happier future.  

Once my shift ends at seven thirty, I've packed, labeled, sorted and stacked two thousand and five hundred packages.  I clock out and grab my purse and head for my car to go to Frankie and Will's apartment, still not sure I've I'm going to stay the night or not.  Perhaps tonight and tomorrow night I'll stay with them.

I park at their apartment complex and walk to their apartment, 6 K, and knock and wait for one of them to answer.  I fidget under the light of their apartment and look around.  Finally, Will opens the door and I come in and he locks the door behind me.  

I hug him back hard.  "Long and boring, how about you?"

"Same.  Are you hungry?  Dinner is almost done, chicken with Cream of Mushroom soup on top and wild rice."

"Sounds good,” I turn to give Will a hug.  "Hey, little brother, how was work."

He hugs me tightly; "The same as you and Frankie."  We head into the kitchen where they already have the table set and true to his word, dinner is almost done and smells delicious.  

"Smells good, you guys," I say as my stomach rumbles in hunger.  

Frankie pulls the chicken out of the oven as I grab the saucepan with rice and dish it out onto our plates.  After Frankie serves up the chicken we sit down to eat when my stomach starts to roll in hunger.  I haven't eaten since last night when I was at Jason's.  

As we start eating, I catch Frankie looking at me, "Have you been eating regularly?"  As I open my mouth he says, "Keep in mind we eat lunch with you during the week."

I smile at him.  "No, I’ve only been eating dinners."

Frankie and Will both shake their heads at me.  "Mar, you've got to eat better, you know this right?" Will says quietly.

"Yeah, I know, but I'm not hungry until dinner time.  I promise I'll try eating more during the day."  I promise them, hoping it'll make them worry less about me.  

The meal was delicious, I will say my brothers are great cooks and I tell them this and they seem happy.  We talk about work and school and what will happen tomorrow at Mom's memorial service.  All of us are not looking forward to this but we know we need this closure.  By the time we are finished eating, clear the table and do the dishes it's almost ten.  So, I decided to stay the night and I called the house to let them know this.

"Hello?" I hear Dom's deep timber answer on the third ring. 

"Hey, Dom, it's Marra."

"Hey, Marra.  What's up?" 

"I'm just letting you guys know that I'm going to stay over here at Frankie and Will's for the night so you don't wonder when I'm going to be back at your place."  I hope they aren't mad that I'm staying here tonight.

"Okay, that's cool.  See you guys in the morning at the church."  I choke at his words.  "Don't forget, we need to be at the church by ten, so that way everything is ready for when the service starts at eleven, okay?"

"No worries, Dom, we'll see you at ten at the church."  I pause before hanging up the phone; "Hey, Dom?"

"I love you guys, okay?"

I can hear him breathe on the other end as if he's trying not to cry.  I've never told anyone, not even my mother or my brothers, that I've loved them, only Frankie and Will.  "We love you, too, baby."  Now he's definitely choking back tears.  "Sleep tight."