chapter 19

Okay, I'm going to dedicate this chapter to writing about my friends. Ordinarily I'd never write about them because this is about me. ME! not THEM! This is my show and they're just supporting actors who are unworthy of any recognition. But these are no ordinary times. So let's go:

UNIBROW

Unibrow is only identifiable by his really thick unibrow. He's sort of my hypeman. He also does my laundry, cleans up after me and runs all sorts of errands for me such as getting me drinks and submitting my assignments and in return, I let him hang out with me. Fair deal right?

Let me let you in on a little secret: Unibrow is totally scared of Fea. Like really, really scared. He believes that bad things happen to him whenever she's around. And come to think of it, I think it's true.

Now, on to how we met. It was during freshman year and I went to pay some fees. There was a huge queue and he was in front of me.

The night before, I'd eaten a lot of egg salad so I was having a bad case of gas. I discreetly farted and soon, many people began to fan their noses.

Unibrow turned to me, “Some people are actually wicked. How could he do this?” He asked.

Who? I was a bit scared. I thought he was onto me. “Who are you talking about?”

“Him.” He said, pointing to some short ugly guy.

“What makes you think he did it?” I asked, holding back my laughter.

“Come on. He's got that type of face that says 'I like farting in public and discomforting everyone.'” He said, acting like he was a genius.

“Yeah, I can totally see it now.” I said. What? Did you really expect me to own up? 

“I knew you would.” He smiled. We continued talking and by the time we'd paid our fees, we'd become friends. When he saw how popular I was, he made himself indispensable. Don't be surprised if you see Unibrow clean a chair with his handkerchief before gesturing for me to sit.

DEAN

Dean is the nerd in my squad. Normally, I wouldn't be talking to such a smartass like him but it was totally necessary. No way I would skip a party just to do my assignments I mean, I know my priorities.

So I decided to give my assignments to Unibrow instead and whenever they were graded, my marks were always in the lowest percentile. Ugh. I would have done a better job if I'd done them myself.

It was then that I noticed this quiet, awkward boy in my hostel who was always getting high scores. I decided there and then to get him to write my assignments and copy my notes for me. 

Unibrow and I approached him.

“Guess what Dean? Today's your lucky day. Beau here has given you the privilege to do his assignments and copy his notes for him.” Did I mention what an idiot Unibrow could be?

I waited for Dean's tears of gratitude but none came.

“I'm sorry but I can't do that. You have to do your school work yourself. It'll help you in the future.” Said Dean.

Eww! Who'd asked the little goody-two shoes? Giving me advice about my future? Blech.

“How dare you? Because I came to you to help me that's why you think you can say such hurtful things about me.” I ranted.

“Yes. How could you—”

“Oh shut up! Idiot!” I interrupted Unibrow.

“I'm sorry but that's my stand.” Dean said intractably.

“Please help me! Bella's throwing a party and I don't want to miss it.” I clasped my hands together and gave him a contrite look.

“A party?” He asked, as if it was an alien concept, “I have never been to a party before.”

And it was at that moment that I had an epiphany. Li'l ole Dean had never been invited to a party. I don't know how that felt but I knew it was a place no one wanted to be.

“You could join us.” I smiled.

“Really?” He asked as eager as a toddler.

“Sure. It'll be a lot of fun. There'll be booze and hot chicks.” Unibrow was running his mouth again.

“Hot chicks?! Holy Toledo!” Dean exclaimed, tearing at his hair.

Holy what? Who the hell still says that?

“I'm your man.” Dean said and shook my hand. Since then, he's been the person who writes my notes, does my assignments and highlights my topics of study and in return, I let him hang out with me. Aren't I magnanimous?

STAN

Getting Stan to come over to Team Beau was no easy task. Why? Because he was hot. Chill, not as hot as yours truly.

Actually, this is how it happened. I had a date with a girl (whose name I'd forgotten), and she pulled out of it at the last minute. Predictably, I was livid. Didn't she know that girls would kill to go out with me? Of course, I found out that she'd ditched me for Stan.

Immediately, I ran a background check on Stan and found that he was handsome, rich, and a player. Basically, the dude was copying me.

I decided to get back at him, so I found the girl he had his eyes set on.

“Hi Becky! Want to go out with me?” I asked her.

“Not tonight. I'm going out with Stan.” She replied. They were going to an expensive restaurant.

I mentioned taking her out to an even more expensive one, and her eyes lit up like Christmas lights. She agreed and we had a good time.

Suddenly, I found out that Stan was doing the same thing to me. He'd take girls I was planning to go out with, on more expensive dates.

It soon became known that the both of us were offering quality dates, and the girls flocked to us, playing both sides.

This went on for a month, until we became broke. Of course, the girls ran away.

I decided to call a truce and I went to Stan. We agreed to no longer fight each other but to band together because we decided we'd get more girls that way😈.

Away from that and back to the present, I got up this morning and I didn't have my breakfast and my clothes for the day, waiting for me.

Imagine the nerve! Unibrow was slacking! I had to put on clothes that looked rumpled and smelled like shoes, and I had to eat cornflakes. RAW!

So, I got to my first lecture and you will not believe what happened; those fools didn't save me some space.

I had to sit near some random person. The horror!

The worst came, when the lecturer asked us to submit some assignment he'd probably given us a few days back, and Dean submitted only one. The idiot!

I tried to console myself, after all, it was an inconsequential assignment. That was until the lecturer said, “If you didn't do this assignment, I'm sorry but there is no hope for you!”

My eyes widened in shock. What was that supposed to mean? I thought it couldn't get any worse, until some girls passed me and covered their noses.

That was the last straw that broke the...what animal is it again?'s back. I confronted my friends after the lecture.

“What the fuck is wrong with you people?” I asked, angry.

“Look, Beau, the only reason we were friends with you is because of what you offered; fun, money and girls. Nowadays, our street cred dies every time we hang out with you.” Stan replied bluntly.

“Seriously? Unibrow? Dean? You're with him? After everything thing I've done for you?” I asked.

“Old things have passed away and new things are here.” Proclaimed Dean. Sometimes, I think there's something wrong with him.

“Yeah.” Unibrow concurred. “Dude, after the whole fiasco with Bella, Bonito and Fea, you're like a leper. And if we stay with you, we'd be lepers too. Don't take it personal.” Unibrow said, raising his hands.

“So, what are you trying to say?” I asked, although I don't know why I did. I already knew that they didn't want me.

“What I'm saying is; you're out, and I'm the leader now.” Stan said and they walked away.

“The leader of losers!” I shouted at their retreating forms, and they gave me the middle finger simultaneously.

And that, folks, is how I got kicked out of MY clique! After everything I did for those boys. 

But you know what? I'll bounce back! And I'll show those boys who's boss.

They'll come crawling and groveling!