Devastation 7

Nicholai POV

I needed to get away from Cassie. I was not ready to tell her about Amanda. What will she think of me if she finds out she died because of me? I wasn't ready.

I ended up at the patio drinking. I was staring at the dark sky. The rain had stopped and everything was quiet. My mind kept running back to the memories of Amanda. The times we spend together and the tragic night she died.

"Hey, Nicky. What's wrong?" Adrianna asked and that's when I realize I was crying.

"Amanda... I don't know what to do sis. Her memories haunting me." I didn't stop the tears falling from my eyes.

"Nicky, she's gone. Its been years." She embraced me. "You have to let it go. It's not your fault."

"She's asking me about her. I don't know what I'll tell her." We were sitting on the stairs.

"Tell her the truth. She likes you a lot and I'm sure she'll understand."

"What if she doesn't. I still love Amanda, sis. I love Amanda so much."

"What about Cassandra? Do you love her?" She look at me intently.

"I don't know. I like her. I enjoy having her with me. It's complicated."

"You're just making it complicated. It's very simple Nicky. It's either you love her or not." Adrianna stated.

"I wish it was. I really don't want things to be complicated and yet here I am stuck in a very complicated situation."

"You're in love with her, Nicky. It's very obvious. You don't introduce just anybody to us. She's special."

"She is special, yes. But I really don't know if I can love again after Amanda. I want Cassie and now I don't know what to do."

"You know what to do. You're just scared that you won't get the answer you want. It's late. Let's get inside. Stop drinking"

"You go ahead. I'll stay here for a few more minutes."

I was too drunk to get to my room so I ended up sleeping at the receiving hall couch around 4:00 am. I woke up when somebody pushed me off the couch so I fell on the floor. It was probably 8:00 in the morning.

"What the hell?" I yelled.

"Nicholai Alexander! Get up." My dad ordered. "What's gotten into you? You have guests and your drunk."

"Dad, seriously. Their not kids. They can take care of themselves." I stood up and lie back down on the couch.

"Your sister told me something's bothering you. Care to share?"

"It's nothing dad. I don't want to talk about it." I sat down properly and smiled lazily at him.

After a few minutes my friends saw me and dad while he was lecturing me about my future. The moment I saw my angel I smiled at her and she frown at me.

"Dad, lets talk about this later." I stood up and walk towards her. "Morning, angel."

"You look like shit and you smell awful. What's wrong?" Cassie ask.

"I missed you so much." I hugged her tightly. "Remind me next time to take you wherever I go."

"Nicholai, let me go." She said laughing. "I guess your still drunk. Take a shower. You smell awful."

"You smell good." I trailed kisses down her neck as she try to push me.

"Nicholai Alexander let me go!" She shouted that I almost gone deaf.

"Angel." I let her go. "What the hell?"

"That's what you get for being such a jerk." She turned to my father and smiled at him. "Good morning sir."

"I told you to call me Nicholas, dear. Good morning to you all so any agenda for today." My dad said.

"Well, we planned to go horse back riding but our guide seems drunk." Cole stated.

"What the hell, bro you got drunk without calling us. What's up?" Jake asked.

"Amanda." Everyone stared at Cassie when she said her name. "I ask who she is and he got drunk."

"Angel, it's not just because of her. It's complicated." I said frustratedly.

"Whatever, take a shower and go to sleep. You should at least show me around the ranch after lunch."

"Okay." I kissed her cheeks and went to my room to rest.

Cassie POV

I smiled when everyone look at me. I don't want things to be complicated between me and Nicholai but it bothers me that he rather get himself drunk to spend the night with me.

After breakfast his grandma called me, Roxy and Gabby at the garden. She told us stories about her family. She showed us family pictures. Then we ended up talking about Amanda.

"Oh this is Amanda." She pointed to a beautiful blond sitting on Nicholai's lap in the album.

"She's beautiful." I stare at the photo.

"She is. You see Amanda and Nicky are sweethearts. I love that girl so much. They were together for years."

"Really?" We three asked at the same time and her grandma smiled.

"Yes, they are perfect. He fought for her even though her parents was against their love. It was a fued between my late husband and her grandfather. He showed them he loved her more than anything in the world." She said dreamingly.

"Wow, that's really sweet." Roxy said.

"Mother." Samantha saw us and walk to our direction. "What are you doing here you should be getting ready for your doctors appointment."

"Samantha, I was just telling them about Amanda and Nicholai." She said sweetly.

"Just go inside and get ready mother. Nicholai will be upset when he learns what you're doing." Grandma immediately went inside the mansion with her nurse. "I'm sorry about that ladies, you see mother is sick. She loves talking about Nicholai and Amanda like it still exsist."

"Yes, she does. And I noticed Amanda is in most of your family photos." I said.

"She is. Because these photos are all old. Mother keeps these albums here. She hate other albums that doesn't include Amanda so I keep them in our house in Montana."

"So where is Amanda?" Gabby ask.

"I don't want to say anything ahead of my son. But here's what I can say." She held my hand and look straight to my eye. "You make him happy now. Amanda is in the past. He will tell you about her once his ready. Please don't give up on him. Just stay with him."

Samantha left and I stare at Gabby and Roxy. We were all out of words. After 10 minutes of silence...

"Why is love complicated? I said.

"It's not. We just make it complicated. I mean its either you love somebody or not." Roxy said.

"I agree." Gabby said. "It's not loving Nicholai that makes things complicated but the set up you two have. Have you told him you got feelings for him?"

"No, I can't. What if he doesn't feel the same way." I said.

"You'll never know unless you tell him. We are already in the 21st century best. You just have to take a leap. And make the first move." Gabby suggested.

"Cassie, you and Nicholai has been living in the same roof for months now. You'rw acting like a married couple already. He likes you. So just admit it to him that you love him." Roxy added.

"He likes me. He wants me. But then now being here, seeing him act weird because of Amanda. I can't help but think twice if he really does." I admitted defeatedly. "I left everything behind in New York and shallowed my pride to be here with him. But what did he do." I started crying. "He prefered to drink than be with me. I don't know what to do." 

"Best, you just have to go in deeper. You're alread into deep with him. You love Jonathan then but you never do stupid crazy things when you two were together. Now with Nicholai you take risks, you does things without overthinking, you're more carefree. Your scared and that's a good thing because you love him."

"I do love him but that Amanda girl is complicating things. What if he love her and not me?"

"Your jealous that's understandable. But Cassie she's MIA and your here. You can make him forget her. I mean has he even mention her before."

"No, but what if he doesn't trust me that's why he doesn't want to talk about her with me."

"Stop it. Cassie when I started dating Cole after the night at the auction I realize one thing. What if's are for cowards. If you want someone you go for it and let life take you wherever it goes. I mean Cole has been a jerk. He acts crazy most of the time but I liked him so I let go of all my insecurities and dated him. I see him with other girls. I get jealous but I never back down. I made him feel how much I love him. And now our relationship is getting stronger. You can also have that with Nicholai."

"Okay I'll try but I just feel terrible."

"Best, you two will get over this. You just need to forget about that Amanda girl. I mean stop asking him about her. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about her cause she doesn't matter to him anymore."

"I guess so. I need your bitchy and best friend advice, Gabby. What will you do if you are me?"

"Wow I remember giving you an advice three year ago and you went MIA. Is this the same thing?"

"No, I swear. Just tell me what will you do if you were me."

"Okay, I will not stop until he tells me who the bitch is and then I'll tell him to choose between me and her."

"Gabrielle! Are you serious?" Roxy glare at Gabby.

"Or I will let things go and stop hunting for my own ghost. I will let him feel that I love him and not be bothered by a person I never had met. I will make sure that he will love me as much as I love him."

"Thanks. I needed that." I embrace both Roxy and Gabby.

Everything is complicated but Roxy and Gabby are right I have to drop the Amanda issue to uncomplicate things. We spend the next 2 days at the ranch without any mention of Amanda. It was just odd that Nicholai and I didn't share the same room. But aside from that he was back to his normal self. His family were very nice and made me feel welcomed. Everything seems perfect.